Monday, April 10, 2017

If Vlad Had A Dating App Profile

Name: VlaPut
Age: 64
Ethnicity: White
Nationality: Russian
Star Sign: Libra
Relationship Status: Married, but...
Occupation: President
Hair: Some
Hair Color: Dirty Blond
Body Type: Husky
Body Hair: Some
Sexual Orientation: Bi-curious
Dick Size: N/A, but "Both my wife and my lover Dmitry tell me, that it's not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean that matters, its whether the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off. I am a very good captain!"
Position: Versatile
Looking for: Dates, Right Now
Tell Us About Yourself: I like quiet evenings at home with my lover. Riding. Walks in the park under a full moon. Watching TV when someone bombs and gases civilians with my support. Cute kittens, puppies and weeping children babies. Vodka.
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This is all made up, of course!

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