Found To Be Wanting

"Conversation around a column" (1978) Richard Kalvar

I have promised myself and those of you who happen to read my blog to be honest about what goes on in my lives, so there is some news I need to share.

Three weeks ago we got the results of the biannual employee survey at the company I work. In the survey half of the personnel in my department found me to be lacking in certain aspects, the other half thinks I am just great.

The results were a bit surprising to me as I usually receive great marks in these surveys and considering that I have been completely open with them about the depression I am undergoing treatment for. I suppose they think I should get over it after two and a half years.

Since the results of the survey came in my co-workers and the personnel manager have been analysing the results together to pinpoint what flaws they believe I have. The co-workers written summary of this analysis was - due to some unfortunate delays - handed to me on Friday morning. This was on the morning of the day we were going out for Christmas dinner together.

In the summary the main points of criticism is that I "seem tired" and "lacking in ardor". They also believe that I set a bad example by taking too many "smoking breaks" (they are all non-smokers) and that I seem afraid of conflicts.

Well, that put a damper on my participation at the Christmas dinner, I attended all the same but avoided alcoholic beverages completely. During Friday and Saturday I have been mulling over this the whole time and I have come up with a strategy on how use it for a beneficial developments for myself and the workgroup.

I am grateful to my co-workers for being open and honest in their responses, because if I do not know how they feel about things I am denied the possibility to improve. Of course, I recognize my responsibility for the situation that has arisen. However, I believe that there are some errors in their evaluation of the situation and also some misconceptions that we have to discuss or clarify.

From my point of view, I also see that there is a potential for improvement among them too and that we need to discuss these matters openly to achieve a lasting improvements in our working environment. Our dialogue about this and other improvements have just begun, but if we all have the common goal to feel better at work and with each other, it can take the time it needs.