Ars in Memoriam 2020

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., in SecondLife known as Ars Northmead.

★ April 21, 1953 (First life)
★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

Ars Forever, Forever Ars!

Ars In Memoriam 2019

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., in SecondLife known as Ars Northmead.

★ April 21, 1953 (First life)
★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

Ars Forever, Forever Ars!

It's My Twelfth Rezday!

Today is my 12^th rezday and I am taking the day off from SecondLife as I have a  terrible headache. I hope you are celebrating it all the same.

This is a picture to show y'all what I looked like on Saturday, December 8^th, 2007.  

Evander Milena, Ars Northmead (who was later to become my husband) and I
on the far right. I was a brunette those days because all blond hair was yellow.

The photo was taken at Ars' skybox, the pictures in the background are of him with his head shaved.   

The New Memorial For My Boys

When my, very much older (Oh he is so going to kill me for that!), brother Dejerrity surprisingly passed away last summer the need for a joint memorial arose for my late husband Ars, his and my brother Dej and (as we found when we cleared up Dej's parcel) Sterling, a k a Bobby, Dej's first husband and true love in SecondLife.

The old memorial which had stood for 8,5 years was starting to feel overwhelming and somewhat creepy, now that I was saner and calmer again. The question was where to place the new downsized memorial. As it happened The Laird's Gardner found true love and left his cabin, so a parcel was freed up, and after some discussion with my husband Tomais, we decided to move the memorial there.

The place is exactly where my and Ars "Quarreling Bench" used to stand (see my blogpost from 2011, The Quarreling Bench (url))

The new memorial site is on the east shore of the Southern Charm region and we have tried to make it a secluded place for the boys and those who visit with them. There is a bench for the visitors to sit on. The hanging lights on both sides of the memorial belong to Ars, who had left them hanging in the air when he passed away.

Tomais helped me and actually did most of the work under my benign leadership, which means that I approved of his excellent ideas from time to time.

I think my boys Ars and Dej would have approved. (I never knew Sterling as he had already passed away when I rezzed into SecondLife.)

News From Dej's Family

Today I received an email from Dej's first life brother Andy.

"Hi [Bock],

I heard from the medical examiner and it turns out that [Dej] had bacterial pneumonia. It was a very bad infection that he probably had for some time and it went untreated. We are all very surprised that he didn't reach out to anyone including a doctor or hospital since antibiotics would probably have saved his life. We shall never know why he chose this path. I am so very glad he had a good friend in you for all those years. He struggled to get along with people so you must have been very special to him. Thanks for your friendship with my brother [Dej].

Andy"

This is my response to Andy.

"Hello Andy,

Thank you so much for the update!

Mike had an ugly cough for a long time, but for some reason, he refused to see a doctor about it - despite much nagging from me. It is sad to realize that something so simple as a cure of antibiotics most likely would have saved his life.

I am sending you the words I shared at the memorial we had for [Dej] and two of the many hundreds of pictures [Dej] has shared with me over the years. Both the pictures are several years old (SL avatars look much better these days). The one called “Mother of the Bride” is one [Dej] sent me when I was getting partnered, while the one called “Dej at his downfall” shows him standing at a place on the sim were I used to accuse him of ditching his husbands and “all” his lovers (I put lots of skeletons in the waters below to represent the “tons, and tons of men laying there” – a gross exaggeration, but we had fun about it anyway.)

As long as I remain in SecondLife and have the sim, Dej’s downfall will always remain. Dej will also share a memorial on the sim with my former partner Ars, who like his brother [Dej] also died of - untreated - double pneumonia in 2010. (What is it with Americans and health care?) 

Dej was very dear to me and it was a pleasure to have been a part of his life.

Thanks again for the information, Andy.

All my best wishes to you and the rest of Mike’s family in [first] life,[Bock]"

The pictures I attached to the response were these two.

"Mother of the Bride" (March 8, 2014)

"Dej at his downfall"

For Dej

These were my words at the memorial gathering for Dej on Sunday.

Dej and I trying out the sits in a new couch

"It’s a sad occasion, but I am happy for those of you who could make it here today and hope that those who couldn’t will remember my brother Dejerrity Mycron in their own way.

Dej is gone, but the people we lose stay with us in the things we do and how we remember them.

I first remember meeting Dej when he – together with Jeb Nicholls - was hosting for my late husband Ars Northmead at some weekly event they had going for a year, or maybe even two years.

Quite frankly, my first impression wasn’t favorable. I thought Dej was a crude and overbearing bastard. He, on the other hand, thought I was a damned fool. Well, that only goes to show how very wrong first impressions can be sometimes.

I got to know Dej better when Ars passed away in 2010. To my own amazement, I discovered that underneath that rough exterior he was a kind, loving, smart and very gentle soul.

Dej was fiercely loyal and very protective towards me. In that time, he also made his home here at Southern Charm. His protectiveness made me feel safe in a time when I had lost my footing. In the years to come our friendship grew and we became closer. I discovered what a truly good man he was.

Although, as I am sure you all know, he had an awful temper and high defenses, we never really exchanged an unfriendly word. In time he let me come past his walls of protection and I got to know the entirely lovable man behind the rough exterior.

Dej was a man with many and diverse interests.

Did you know he was a secret Trekkie and had a childlike fascination with everything science fiction? He even built a wonderful and complex command station for the USS Enterprise over many years. It would fold out in various ways and had all kinds of instrumentation that I don’t know a thing about, not being a Trekkie myself.

Dej often boasted of having the largest collection of gay porn videography in the history of mankind, among them the complete “Centurians of Rome” , a classic from 1981.

On the other hand, he also had an extremely large collection of show tunes and often knew all the lyrics by heart. He would often sing them to me – and others who cared to listen in – with his beautiful tenor. But he never liked when I tried to sing along, I cannot understand why.

I was utterly shocked when I was reached by the news of Dej’s death and the circumstances surrounding it: he had died alone at the age of only 54 and that he hadn’t been discovered for up to a week after his passing. Add to that the facts that the cause and time of his death are still unknown. It saddened me deeply that I had lost a brother in that way.

Hopefully we will learn more about what caused his death and when he died after the investigations are completed. Dej’s brother in first life has promised to keep me apprised of the results. I can only hope he keeps his promise.

Dej is gone, and we remain to guard his memory and keep him in our hearts and minds. I will always remember him as my protective brother, with a weakness for singing show tunes to me to make me happy when I was sad, or even just to make me laugh.

I will always love you, Dej, and I will always remember you for the warm, caring and loving man that you were.

Rest in peace, my sweet brother."

Sad News

Today I learned that my beloved SecondLife-brother Dejerrity Mycron has passed away.

Dej was found in his apartment in New York today by his friend Danny. It is believed that Dej died sometimes between 3-7 days ago.

The cause of his death as well as the exact time have yet to be determined. As far as I know Dej didn't have any major health issues, but my brother sometimes withheld information he thought would worry me.

The man behind the avatar that was Dejerrity was 54 years old at his passing.

To be honest, Dej was not an easy man to love and did not love easily either, but I have loved him dearly since he supported me when my former husband Ars Northmead passed away in 2010. I know for certain that he loved me also.

Remember Dej!

Ars In Memoriam 2018

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., in SecondLife also known as Ars Northmead,

★ April 21, 1953 (First life)
★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

"Ars Forever, Forever Ars"

Ars In Memoriam 2017

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., 

in SecondLife a.k.a Ars Northmead

★ April 21, 1953 (First life)

★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

Decade Old Avatars

I'll be ten years old in SecondLife next year, so I know a few of those venerable old avatars.

I and Dej at Southern Charm. I am in my second mesh outfit.

My brother - and brother-in-law - Dejerrity Mycron turned ten on October 23, 2016 (Please note, that Dej will never be older than 39, ever!). Today would have been my late husband Ars Northmead's tenth rezday.

I and Ars at an event at Pixel Hill.

As I understand it the two of them met just a couple of days after rezzing into SecondLife and were more or less thick as thieves until Ars passed away.

Dej doesn't believe in the benefits of mesh, so he still looks a lot like we all did in 2008, 2009 & 2010. If Ars was still around, I'm certain he would have come to embrace mesh.

I myself was difficult to convince of the benefits of mesh in the beginning, I always dreaded the fact that my clothes would change my shape instead of the other way around.

Then someone close to me at the time nagged at me and a onetime friend became a "meshista" also, so my resistance finally caved in and I agreed to try it. I'll never go back now.

Ars In Memoriam 2016

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., 

in SecondLife a.k.a Ars Northmead

★ April 21, 1953 (First life)

★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

Photo: Pencil variation of an original photo by Kent Hutchinson of KH Photography.

Ars' 9th Rezday

Ars Northmead

★ October 25, 2006 † March 12, 2010

This would have been the avatar Ars Northmead's 9th rezday.

"Avatars don't die, they just stop logging in".

Although I have moved on and am again deeply in love again my Tomais, I will still always love you, remember you and miss you, my Ars.

The Over The Rainbow Tribute For Ars - Event Pictures by J.J. Goodman

Hottie B Lockjaw

Kharissa Indigo

The Disco Biscuits, with guest star Kharissa

Bambi Flores, Hottie & Kharissa

Hottie & Bambi

JJ Goodman & Fordis Flores

Jeb Nicholls

Miss Pieni, my niece

Syllie Whitfield & her Royal Majesty Queen BM Oh

Mirco Dinzeo

Dejerrity & Tomais

Cayson Triellis & Jay

The Smith Boys (Kahvy & Garrett) with Syllie & BM

Kahvy

Kane Hawksby

Shutterbug niece

BM

Over The Rainbow

I got my first inkling that something was afoot three days ago, when Tomais told me to add the timeslot to my events calendar and asked me to make sure that I would be there. Then two evenings ago Hottie B spilled the beans and told me what was being planned.

Once I had been able to process it, I was very moved by the fact that this special tribute for Ars was occurring, and I am certain that my Ars would have been so also.

During Ars all to few years in Second Life he put a lot of time, energy and passion into the music industry here and I know he always tried to support the new DJ's who were emerging. I will most certainly be there with all - or most - of my family. Please take the time to join us, if you are able.

To Over The Rainbow at Facon (SLurl).

P.S. I hear through the grapevine that Hottie will be joined by The Disco Biscuits, i.e. JJ Goodman, Bambi Flores, Fordis Flores and Cupric Router.

Ars Forever, Forever Ars!

Joseph Douglas Wilson Jr., 

a.k.a Ars Northmead

★ April 21, 1953 (first life)

★ October 25, 2006 (SecondLife)

† March 12, 2010

Five years have passed since that awful day when my lovely Ars died.

A long time afterwards I actually thought I would never recover from that experience, but - little by little and ever so slowly - I came back to life and finally I could love again. I do so without feeling any guilt and with the knowledge that my Ars would approve.

After all, a new love takes nothing away from an old love, nor does an old one take anything away from the new. Both my loves fill me with joy and happily coexist within my whole being.

Ars will live on as long as there are still people who remember him and love him and I am not planning on dying soon, neither are Guyke or Dej or any of the others who loved and were loved by him.

Photo by KH Photography

The 8th and 9th Days After

On Thursday I visited with dad one last time.

My father was laying in a casket, without the lid on, in a large chapel where all religious symbols had been removed. The sunlight was streaming in through the big windows, it was a unusually sunny day. Around the casket six large candles had been placed on safe distance so that one could walk between them and the coffin.

Someone had also put a red rose in his left hand. The right hand was covered, as the undertakers assistant told us, because it had been badly bruised and the bruises had torn when he had been stored in the freezer.

I was - thankfully - accompanied to this visit by my oldest niece, who is also a registered nurse.

My dad looked peaceful enough, but as if he had been in a fight at the end. The veins on his eyelids, closest to the lashes, were red and seemed to have burst. He also had two symmetrically placed bruises on his upper lip, which my niece informed me, was from when they had tried to resurrect him in the ambulance and at the hospital.

Dad was cold to the touch, as I felt when I held his hand and caressed his cheeks. One or two of the hairs in his left eyebrow were sticking out, which made me wish that I had brought a pair of small scissors along so I could have cut them. Instead I gently stroked them down and blended them with the rest of his left eyebrow.

Inside I was in complete and utter turmoil, my mind was moving fast through memories of dad from throughout my life. On the outside I must have appeared calm, a few small tears nothing more.

My father was a loving, caring and accepting father. He loved my mother, me and my siblings dearly and did everything he possibly could to protect us, save us and carry us. Dad also knew all my trigger points and was the only person who could - the few times that he wished to - drive me from calm serenity to a wild frenzy in 15 seconds flat, and then he would ask me calmly why I was so angry...

My niece and I only stayed about 20 minutes, not long at all considering. Outside the chapel we hugged and said a few words and then went each on our own way. She was going to pick up her kids from daycare, while I was going back to my mothers home.

---
Nine days after my father had passed away, on Friday, I suddenly realized one of the reason why I was in this strange state of feeling and thinking so much, but not expressing anything, as if I was cloaked in numbness over an uproar of torrential feelings. All was expressed in being much more tired and a slight irritability.

The reason was of course the antidepressants I have been on for 4,5 years now, since a couple of months after Ars died. 20 mg of Cipralex daily has an effect in the long run.

I felt terribly stupid for not having realized the connection earlier.

Close to Home

Ever since I was reached by the news about Avacar Bluestar's passing I have, privately, been hoping that he and his partner Rico had been more prudent than my Ars and I were.

It is after all so extremely easy to take precautions to help your partner in SecondLife in case something unforeseen should happen, even if one is young and in good health. Unfortunately we seem all to be living in a dream that nothing bad will ever happen or that there is no tomorrow and thereby leave our loved ones future in the - less than certain - good will of our inheritors in first life.

As the passing of Avacar hit very close to home for me and have brought all the uneasy memories from almost five years ago to life again, I have not been able to bring myself to contact Rico directly. Even if I am now very happy again and very much in love with my new partner Tomais, the memories of those awful hours, days, weeks, months and years after Ars death are with me still. In particular the period when I was afraid of losing the home we had over  period of more than two years built together on the Southern Charm sim.

Ars had just died and I was grieving deeply for him and less than two weeks afterwards I was struck with the realization that the sim was solely in Ars' name (to avoid EU VAT) and I did not know what to do to get the sim transferred to me. I was afraid to lose it all and with it all the memories of Ars.

I blogged about it - of course - as that was my way of venting and letting off steam. These are the links to my posts as the events unfolded. (If and when you read them, please try to remember I was not completely sane at the time and more self-involved than ever before or after.)

1. Trying to deal with reality - March 26th
2. Trying to deal with reality II (updated) - March 20th
3. Trying to deal with reality III (glimpse of hope) - April 2nd
4. Trying to deal with reality IV - April 13th
5. Trying to deal with reality V (The conclusion) - April 19th

I will never forget the kindness of Belinda Linden and a few others at Linden Lab when they guided me through the process, however I do believe think it would have gotten the happy ending it did had it not been for the kindness and compassion of the Wilson family.
---

I can wholeheartedly sympathize with the agony that Rico is going through at this time. The sims mean nothing to Avacar's first life family - except possibly a hateful reminder of the true nature of their son - while it to Rico is a living memory of the work the two of them did for many years to build a meeting place for the LGBT community in SecondLife.

Please @ebbealtberg, @LindenLab try to find a way to #DotheRightThingforAvacar and transfer the GFW-sims to Rico. pic.twitter.com/WFy7zoi4Qj
— Bock McMillan (@BockMcMillan) January 16, 2015

#DoTheRightThingforAvacar

Yesterday I was contacted by Rico Bluestar, who wanted to know how the situation concerning the transfer of Southern Charm sim had been solved when my husband Ars Northmead passed away on March 12, 2010. Ars was in first life also known as Joseph Douglas "Doug" Wilson Jr.

Although Linden Lab were compassionate and as helpful as they reasonably could be throughout the process, I could only tell him that I was fortunate that Doug' first life family were understanding and loving enough to help me in that situation.

Doug's father, who was the executor of Doug's estate, presented the proper documentation to Linden Lab showing his status as father and executor, and also wrote a letter to Linden Lab in which he asked them to transfer Southern Charm to me. That saved the situation for me.

I am forever grateful to the Wilson family, and especially Mr. Wilson himself, for the love, support and assistance they showed me - a complete stranger (although Doug had mentioned me to them several times it seems) - in this difficult situation.

---

Rico Bluestar was the partner of Avacar Bluestar for close to three year up until Avacar passed away on November 14, 2014. Together the two owned, operated and worked hard to build Gay Fun World (GFW) as a place for gay residents to go to for fun and shopping.

Rico is not as fortunate as I was. It seems that Avacar's first life family are Southern Baptist and all of them - with the exception of a one of Avacar's sisters - absolutely abhor and detest Avacar's "lifestyle choice" (i.e. that he was gay and admitted it). They want all evidence of Avacar's homosexuality obliterated and disolved and will therefor not cooperate to have the sims transferred to Rico Bluestar.

I think that is wrong, it is in fact an outrage!

I would like all of my family and friends - straight or gay - to join me in telling Ebbe Altberg, the CEO of Linden Lab, and Linden Lab itself that it is time for them to take a stand against homophobia, to make an exception and to transfer the GFW sims to Rico.

If you have a Twitter account please retweet my tweet and ask your friends to do so too. If you don't have a Twitter account, get one and do the same thing. Gawd this is the 21st century people, get with the program!

@ebbealtberg & @LindenLab, #DoTheRightThingforAvacar and put an end to #homophobia. Transfer the GFW sims to Rico! pic.twitter.com/WYipgApNVq
— Bock McMillan (@BockMcMillan) January 15, 2015

Actions & Words

This may come as a complete surprise to many of you, but let me tell you anyway! I, the Much Honored Bock McMillan, laird of Southern Charm etc., etc., am not a perfect man.

I do indeed have flaws, weaknesses and some really ugly habits. Nevertheless, over the course of my life, I have also come to realize that I do have some pretty amazing qualities also. I have an inordinate capacity to love and care for people as they they are and without a need to change them. I am also fiercely loyal to those I love and care about. Although I sometimes joke about my lack of patience, I am - much to my own surprise - still one of the most patient men I know.

Most importantly, I have an uncanny ability for picking good men for myself. I don't mean to say that there are not other good men out there, but that the men I select as my mates are good for me, they complete me and are worthy of my trust. They understand me, see me for what I am and support me when I need it and otherwise let me loose. They can laugh with me and at me (in a way that isn't hurtful) and they make me laugh at myself too. (My "ability" may of course also be just dumb luck, but I do not like to see it that way.)

I am not an easy man to live with, but neither was my Ars or is my Tomais, I am certain that the two partners I have had in my SecondLife, would have respected and loved each other if they had met.

Although I am a man who believes in the importance of words and what people say and how they choose to express themselves, because there is always a choice, my two men bring into the mix the firm belief that words alone are meaningless. Words must be followed up and proven by actions. Ars always said "Actions speak louder than words" and Tomais lives by that rule.

There is a point when telling someone "I love you" and "I am sorry" is not enough anymore, they become empty air, mere flatulence. What one says has to be manifested in action. We are always responsible for our actions, however bad we feel at the time. The word "sorry" needs to be followed by change. Saying the word while repeating the same actions doesn't mean that you can force - or are entitled to - someones forgiveness. They decide if you should or if they want to forgive you, it's not for you to decide.

My promise to Tomais today is that when we are together I will no longer allow others to pull me into their tantrums. I am expecting that you will need to remind me of these words in the beginning, my love, but please never hesitate to do so. You are more important to me than anyone or anything else. Know that!

Overpriced?

Tomais and I were out looking for a new Christmas tree to put up at the sim over by Ars' memorial. On Marketplace we came across this one, in several versions.

Description
"Typical German Christbaum or Weihnachtsbaum

this is the perfect Xmas tree, because...

* the tree has 120 giftboxes underneath
* in every single ornaments you can see the reflection of a candle
* high detailed candles
* high detailed ornaments
* detailed bells
* the tree has a high detailed string of pearls around the tree
* the has a high detailed decoration on the top
* the tree has a fantastic magical light effect at daytime and night
* the tree has a very detailed texture from a real christmas tree

* the tree is level of detail optimized, when you go far away then you see allways for example every candle

* the width of the tree is 40x40m with the snow underground
* the high is 23 m"

---

It is indeed a beautiful work of art and highly detailed and must have taken many, many hours to complete, but all the same I do think that the price of L$40.000 is a bit steep...

I am quite certain that if the creator had priced it better he would most likely have made more money from his work.

Let's say 100 copies of the trees are sold at the current price, that would mean an income of L$4.000.000, but if the price had been set to L$5.000 they would most likely sell many more copies - I am guessing 1.000 - and would earn an income of L$5.000.000.

But pricing is difficult and what do I really know about it... my amazing Jester's Hats were only sold in 10 copies for L$10 a piece. The market was not ready for them... and perhaps never will be.