Dej In Memoriam 2020

The New Memorial For My Boys

When my, very much older (Oh he is so going to kill me for that!), brother Dejerrity surprisingly passed away last summer the need for a joint memorial arose for my late husband Ars, his and my brother Dej and (as we found when we cleared up Dej's parcel) Sterling, a k a Bobby, Dej's first husband and true love in SecondLife.

The old memorial which had stood for 8,5 years was starting to feel overwhelming and somewhat creepy, now that I was saner and calmer again. The question was where to place the new downsized memorial. As it happened The Laird's Gardner found true love and left his cabin, so a parcel was freed up, and after some discussion with my husband Tomais, we decided to move the memorial there.

The place is exactly where my and Ars "Quarreling Bench" used to stand (see my blogpost from 2011, The Quarreling Bench (url))

The new memorial site is on the east shore of the Southern Charm region and we have tried to make it a secluded place for the boys and those who visit with them. There is a bench for the visitors to sit on. The hanging lights on both sides of the memorial belong to Ars, who had left them hanging in the air when he passed away.

Tomais helped me and actually did most of the work under my benign leadership, which means that I approved of his excellent ideas from time to time.

I think my boys Ars and Dej would have approved. (I never knew Sterling as he had already passed away when I rezzed into SecondLife.)

A Suitable Headstone

Yesterday I got an email from Dejerrity's first life family where they shared this picture of his headstone with me.

I believe my brother would have loved it! It's a loving and fitting celebration to his geekish interests, sci-fi/fantasy, and SecondLife. 

Identical Twins

My twin brother JJ visited our sim today.

"Monozygotic twins" by JJ Goodman

Tomais and I have been relandscaping Dej's parcel at Southern Charm (Well, Tomais really, but I have been overseeing his work.)

JJ, whose partner Wayne is temporarily away, has a lot of free time on his hands and uses it mainly to admire himself if you don't drag him from their sim. So I tempted him with the suggestion that he could come to look at me instead, as we are identical twins. He fell for it and could appreciate Tomais great work with the landscaping also.

Response to [Julie]

Dear [Julie],

Thank you very much for your email. It was much appreciated, and I was particularly touched by you having shared my words to Dej at his first life service. That way he got to hear it twice and cannot deny it.

Families are messy. We know each other so well and for such a long time. We know exactly how to hurt one another most and - in some cases - we use that knowledge. It is always sad when it happens, and I can understand how one feels helpless to alter the situation. So many cogs that must click into each other and balance each other at the same time for the relationships to improve.

My own family was on the opposite end of the spectra, possibly because both my parents came from dysfunctional family backgrounds and had sworn their children would never have to go through the same. Instead we were lovingly overprotected and had to fight ourselves free of their need to control our lives, still, there was always love and help when one needed it.

I, of course, knew that Dej had a very tense relationship with his family, although he never told me why. I didn't pry either. We shared the information we wished to share and nothing more was asked. For a while, after your father passed away, I thought he might be relenting but then it seemed to stop.

SecondLife is not "a game" per se, not for most of its users. There are no points to be won or anything of the sort. We build, socialize, party, make friends and families. You can be as outgoing as you wish or as withdrawn as you like. I'll send you a picture of my SecondLife avatar right now. Don't whistle too loudly, please, you may wake your neighbors!

Dej absolutely loved Jeff Buckley's rendition of "Hallelujah". He would have been extremely pleased to know you remembered that and played it for him at his service. Of that I am certain.

The fact that Dej and I got along so famously for eight years is a miracle, we both had a temper, although he was without a doubt the most volcanic. I used to tell him - repeatedly that I must be "The Most Patient and Humble Man in SecondLife" to still be friends with him. He would sing me a line from some silly musical and we would laugh at each other. (That is to explain the name of the picture I am sending you.)

As I believe I already told Andy, I had been badgering and begging Dej to go see a doctor the last two years, as his cough seemed to get continuously worse. He did not budge, and it is difficult to make a grown man listen and follow your advice if he doesn't want to. I was so angry with Dej when I heard from Andy that the cause of his death was untreated pneumonia. If he had still been alive I would have clobbered him over the head until he passed out.

Still, neither you, the rest of his first life family or I should feel guilty. None of us could have made him see a doctor if he didn't wish to. It would have been a case of finding him when he was passed out and still savable for that to work. And how would any of us now that when he did not reach out and tell us? No guilt, [Julie], no guilt. Dej was a grown man and made poor choices that in the end cost him his life. Although I will always love him and remember him, I refuse to feel guilty, neither should you!

Swedes hug a lot and all the time, so I am sending you a hug. Just deal with it 😉

Hugs,

[Bock]

Message from Dej's Sister

Today I received this very touching email from Dej's first life sister.

Dear [Bock],

I am [Dej]'s sister, [Julie], and I had the honor of reading aloud your lovely tribute to him at the memorial service we held [Saturday] at the cemetery, where his remains will lie with our mother's.

We've had horribly hot and humid weather here the past month or so, but today was cool, rainy, and very overcast. Kind of like [Dej], in a way.

[Dej] and I did not communicate much in the past 14 years; that was really his choice and, since we had had a troubled relationship [...], that was okay with me. But the last few years, after I moved in with our mom to take care of her and as she slowly but surely declined, he seemed to soften somewhat. He wouldn't visit often (generally only at Christmas), but he always at least answered e-mails when I found it necessary to send out a family alert. When we saw him at her funeral last December, we were all aghast at his appearance--so thin, stooped, fully white-haired, coughing and wheezing.

He told me about his "Swedish friend" perhaps six or so years ago, as he tried to explain his Second Life existence. There is no doubt he thought the world of you, and his enthusiasm for his second life was unmistakable. It was clear he preferred that to his first life, and I wonder sometimes how blurred the lines between the two became. I don't play games online with other people; I am too timid. But Michael was cautious, too, and I am sort of amazed at how well you ended up knowing him, even though largely "virtually." 

At his service, we played Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" as performed by Jeff Buckley. He sent this to me right after our mom died, so I know it meant a lot to him. I hope he enjoyed it. 

I wanted to thank you, and the other friends I know he's made through Second Life, for caring and sharing your memories of a [Dej] who was largely closed off to us. Our particular family dynamic was never what you would call "loving," but believe me when I say that we are all quite devastated by his death, and will no doubt spend much time wondering whether there was anything else we could have done to prevent it.

Live long and prosper, [Bock].

Very best regards, [Julie]

News From Dej's Family

Today I received an email from Dej's first life brother Andy.

"Hi [Bock],

I heard from the medical examiner and it turns out that [Dej] had bacterial pneumonia. It was a very bad infection that he probably had for some time and it went untreated. We are all very surprised that he didn't reach out to anyone including a doctor or hospital since antibiotics would probably have saved his life. We shall never know why he chose this path. I am so very glad he had a good friend in you for all those years. He struggled to get along with people so you must have been very special to him. Thanks for your friendship with my brother [Dej].

Andy"

This is my response to Andy.

"Hello Andy,

Thank you so much for the update!

Mike had an ugly cough for a long time, but for some reason, he refused to see a doctor about it - despite much nagging from me. It is sad to realize that something so simple as a cure of antibiotics most likely would have saved his life.

I am sending you the words I shared at the memorial we had for [Dej] and two of the many hundreds of pictures [Dej] has shared with me over the years. Both the pictures are several years old (SL avatars look much better these days). The one called “Mother of the Bride” is one [Dej] sent me when I was getting partnered, while the one called “Dej at his downfall” shows him standing at a place on the sim were I used to accuse him of ditching his husbands and “all” his lovers (I put lots of skeletons in the waters below to represent the “tons, and tons of men laying there” – a gross exaggeration, but we had fun about it anyway.)

As long as I remain in SecondLife and have the sim, Dej’s downfall will always remain. Dej will also share a memorial on the sim with my former partner Ars, who like his brother [Dej] also died of - untreated - double pneumonia in 2010. (What is it with Americans and health care?) 

Dej was very dear to me and it was a pleasure to have been a part of his life.

Thanks again for the information, Andy.

All my best wishes to you and the rest of Mike’s family in [first] life,[Bock]"

The pictures I attached to the response were these two.

"Mother of the Bride" (March 8, 2014)

"Dej at his downfall"

For Dej

These were my words at the memorial gathering for Dej on Sunday.

Dej and I trying out the sits in a new couch

"It’s a sad occasion, but I am happy for those of you who could make it here today and hope that those who couldn’t will remember my brother Dejerrity Mycron in their own way.

Dej is gone, but the people we lose stay with us in the things we do and how we remember them.

I first remember meeting Dej when he – together with Jeb Nicholls - was hosting for my late husband Ars Northmead at some weekly event they had going for a year, or maybe even two years.

Quite frankly, my first impression wasn’t favorable. I thought Dej was a crude and overbearing bastard. He, on the other hand, thought I was a damned fool. Well, that only goes to show how very wrong first impressions can be sometimes.

I got to know Dej better when Ars passed away in 2010. To my own amazement, I discovered that underneath that rough exterior he was a kind, loving, smart and very gentle soul.

Dej was fiercely loyal and very protective towards me. In that time, he also made his home here at Southern Charm. His protectiveness made me feel safe in a time when I had lost my footing. In the years to come our friendship grew and we became closer. I discovered what a truly good man he was.

Although, as I am sure you all know, he had an awful temper and high defenses, we never really exchanged an unfriendly word. In time he let me come past his walls of protection and I got to know the entirely lovable man behind the rough exterior.

Dej was a man with many and diverse interests.

Did you know he was a secret Trekkie and had a childlike fascination with everything science fiction? He even built a wonderful and complex command station for the USS Enterprise over many years. It would fold out in various ways and had all kinds of instrumentation that I don’t know a thing about, not being a Trekkie myself.

Dej often boasted of having the largest collection of gay porn videography in the history of mankind, among them the complete “Centurians of Rome” , a classic from 1981.

On the other hand, he also had an extremely large collection of show tunes and often knew all the lyrics by heart. He would often sing them to me – and others who cared to listen in – with his beautiful tenor. But he never liked when I tried to sing along, I cannot understand why.

I was utterly shocked when I was reached by the news of Dej’s death and the circumstances surrounding it: he had died alone at the age of only 54 and that he hadn’t been discovered for up to a week after his passing. Add to that the facts that the cause and time of his death are still unknown. It saddened me deeply that I had lost a brother in that way.

Hopefully we will learn more about what caused his death and when he died after the investigations are completed. Dej’s brother in first life has promised to keep me apprised of the results. I can only hope he keeps his promise.

Dej is gone, and we remain to guard his memory and keep him in our hearts and minds. I will always remember him as my protective brother, with a weakness for singing show tunes to me to make me happy when I was sad, or even just to make me laugh.

I will always love you, Dej, and I will always remember you for the warm, caring and loving man that you were.

Rest in peace, my sweet brother."

Reminder: Memorial Gathering for Dej Today

The memorial gathering for Dej is today at 3 PM SLT. Here is your landmark to the gathering, Rosewood Manor (Dej's Place) SLurl.

Suggested clothing: Boardshorts/shorts and sandals/bare feet. (That was Dej's prefered clothing when he was entertaining at home.)

If you should not be able to attend today you can come there from now until August 31st, 2018. 

After that there will be a new memorial for Dej set up together with his brother Ars Northmead at another place on the sim.

Through the kindness of Ty Tenk and Truck Meredith, there will also be a memorial site for both of them at Mirromere sim at The Calas Galadhon Park sims.

Memorial for Dej

I have been in low spirits ever since I got the sad news about my sweet brother Dej, especially as the circumstances surrounding his demise were unclear (the cause and the time of death).

I kept imagining him lying in his apartment and dying all by himself without being able to call attention to his situation. I hope his passing was swift and that he was unconscious through it, but kept imagining other horrendous scenarios.

Anyhow, a few days ago I pulled myself together and gathered up the courage to make a telephone call to one of Dej's brothers in first life in the hope of getting further information. I found his telephone number on the Internet.

The brother, Andy, was very kind (he had heard about me from Dej) and sounded strikingly similar to Dej. Andy verified all the information we have received so far about Dej's passing and the circumstances as far as they are known now. He also informed me that there was an ongoing enquiry and that the family has not been given any further information so far. The authorities were awaiting results from the many tests that had been performed. He believed that the results would not be forthcoming for several weeks yet. He promised to inform me when he was informed and we exchanged email-addresses.

I have come to the conclusion that the memorial for Mike/Dej cannot wait for the results. There will therefore be a memorial gathering at Dej's Place on Sunday July 15th, 2018, at 3 PM SLT.

Suggested clothing: Boardshorts/shorts and sandals/barefeet. That was Dej's prefered clothing when he was entertaining at home.

---
If you should not be able to come at that time you can go there from now until August 31st, 2018. I have prepared a memorial spot in the woods behind Dej's house. Here is your landmark, Rosewood Manor (Dej's Place) SLurl.

Memorial for Dejerrity Mycron?

People have been asking me if there will be a memorial for my beloved brother Dej. 

There most certainly will be one! However, I will not host a memorial for my beloved brother without first knowing why, when or how he passed away. 

When I know more I will announce a memorial service, which will be held at his home on the Southern Charm sim. 

Please relay this information to anyone you know who also knew and loved Dej.

---

I am also contacting Ty Tenk & Truck Meredith to possibly arrange for a plaque in Dej's memory at Mirromere, Calas Galadhon Park Sims. 

Sad News

Today I learned that my beloved SecondLife-brother Dejerrity Mycron has passed away.

Dej was found in his apartment in New York today by his friend Danny. It is believed that Dej died sometimes between 3-7 days ago.

The cause of his death as well as the exact time have yet to be determined. As far as I know Dej didn't have any major health issues, but my brother sometimes withheld information he thought would worry me.

The man behind the avatar that was Dejerrity was 54 years old at his passing.

To be honest, Dej was not an easy man to love and did not love easily either, but I have loved him dearly since he supported me when my former husband Ars Northmead passed away in 2010. I know for certain that he loved me also.

Remember Dej!

Dej's Sweet Sixteenth Birthday Again!

My sweet and delightful older brother Dejerrity Mycron, has a weird personality disorder which has lead to him being stuck at the age of sixteen perpetually, so the last couples of decades we have been celebrating his 16th birthday in first life, over, and over, and over, and over again...

This is his favourite song, where he actually identifies with Liesl
.

"Sixteen going on Seventeen"
Music by Richard Rodgers
Lyrics by Oscar Hamnerstein
---
You wait little girl on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life little girl is an empty page
That men will want to write on

To write on...

You are sixteen going on seventeen
Baby, it's time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you're on the brink

You are sixteen going on seventeen
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads and roues and cads
Will offer you food and wine

Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken

You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am seventeen going on eighteen
I'll take care of you

[Refrain: Liesl]
I am sixteen going on seventeen
I know that I'm naïve
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe

I am sixteen going on seventeen
Innocent as a rose
Bachelors, dandies, drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those?

Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken

I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are seventeen going on eighteen
I'll, depend, on you

Have another really wonderful and happy sixteenth birthday, my sweet brother and protector! Best wishes for you in love, money, and happiness! 

How Uncouth

Well, I never...

My Tomais and I handed out these beautiful Flat Bock's at last years Second Pride. Everyone wanted one, two or three or even more.

Imagine my surprise when I was wandering around at the home-sim and found that my beloved brother Dej had misused that precious and beautiful objet d'art in this disrespectful way!

As if I could enjoy a flagpole in my manly love-hole. *sigh*

When Dej Disappeared (Update)

I haven't been able to see my brother Dej at all during the last week, not even his tag. I couldn't figure out what had happened or what was wrong.

Everyone else we asked saw him perfectly well, but not I. 

Dej in a screenshot when Mirco shares his screen on Skype

What I saw on my screen

With the help of Mirco and his friend Miro Collas, we finally figured out what it was and then I understood when, where and how I had messed. I feel like such a noob!

Tomais, Dej and I visited The Men's Department a week ago for some serious shopping. 

As always the place was full of eager shoppers, so I did what usually do in those laggy circumstances, with one fatal exception. I marked all the other shoppers and derendered them, but instead selecting to do so temporarily I selected permanently. 

So my poor beautiful, meshified, albeit much older brother ended up being blacklisted on my screen. It was a great relief to finally see his sweet face again.

Thanks for the help Mirco and Miro!
---
Update 8/13/2017
If you are using the Firestorm viewer my friend Anonymous has a nifty trick for you on how to derender all avatars at a busy event and then to render them again later with only two clicks.

I may have learned this once upon a time, but had since then managed to forget it. There is no better way to remember things than by repetition, especially if you are a forgetful and absentminded person like yours truly.

Unmitigated Hotness

The McMillan brothers show off their hotness in the same hairstyle. From left to right, silver fox Dejerrity, blond Bock and brunette JJ.

RAAAAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

A Silver Daddy Is Born

Mark this day in your calendars, readers, because today hell froze over!

Today my much, much, much, older brother Dejerrity Mycron took a giant leap and moved from 2006 to 2017 in a matter of a few hours with a big smile on his face.

SecondLife has finally and at long last achieved a Meshified Dej. He has acquired a Signature Gianni Mesh body and a Catwa Daniel Bento mesh head.

Now doesn't he look simply adorable, even if we just started? Give him a little more time and he will find his new look and the young men in SL will be drooling in his trail. (On the wall over the fireplace you see a portrait of my sweet brother as he has looked since 2006 until today.)

Happy 29th Birthday, Big Brother!

Today my big brother Dejerrity Mycron, The Lord Protector of The Laird's Delectable Body (short version, The Lord Protector), turns twenty-nine (again).

Happy first life birthday sweet man, love you, always!

This is Dej and my special song (with lyrics adapted by me), please enjoy!


[Dej]
You wait, little boy, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life, little boy, is an empty page
That men will want to write on

[Bock]
To write on

[Dej]
You are sixteen going on seventeen
Baby, it's time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you're on the brink

You are sixteen going on seventeen
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads and roues and cads
Will offer you food and wine

Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken

You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am seventeen going on eighteen
I'll take care of you

[Bock]
I am sixteen going on seventeen
I know that I'm naive
Fellows I meet may tell me I'm sweet
And willingly I believe

I am sixteen going on seventeen
Innocent as a rose
Bachelor dandies, drinkers of brandies
What do I know of those

Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken

I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are seventeen going on eighteen
I'll depend on you

White Christmas

I just finished a long and wonderful talk with both my brothers, Dej and JJ. Love the guys! And then I found this sweet cartoon Christmas card in the comment section of J.M.G, so I had to share it with you my loyal readers.


Sung by The Drifters. Cartoon by Joshua Held. Featuring Bill Pinkney on lead bass and Clyde McPhatter on tenor. An animated Christmas Card, and a homage to a great song, a great band, and a great Holiday.

Happy Holidays everyone, hugs and kisses!

Superheroes - The Party, Today at 1-3PM SLT

"Deadpool" by Tomais Ashdene

Why
We are celebrating Dejerrity Mycron's 10th rezday & Tomais Ashdene's 8th rezday

When

Saturday November 5, 2016, at 1-3PM SLT

Where

The Superhero Venue at Southern Charm (SLurl) sim in SecondLife

What to wear
Any kind of superhero or - heroine outfit

Presents
Don't worry about them, just share the happiness. If you must there will be birthday-jars set up.

Music, dance and pleasant conversation
DJ Kahvy will be playing the tunes with sexy host Garrett.

Euro friends, please note, that due to the change in DST the party starts at 21.00 CET!

All our friends are welcome!