...But For the Grace of My Alarm Clock

Photo by Kurney Ramsey

I just woke up from a terrible nightmare.

In my dream I was travelling by bus somewhere in the middle of the night and had been sleeping on some seats in the back of the bus. As I slowly wake up and am still dazed I hear a woman making comments about an erection that she has liked the look off. She keeps on talking about it.

After a few minutes I am awake enough to start looking around the bus to try and catch a glimpse of the lauded member and it´s patron. To my astonishment I discovered that the woman and I are alone on the bus. It is then I realize that she has been talking to me about my member. I feel myself blush intensely.

I do my best to ignore her and push the Stop-button to get off at the next bus stop. "OK", I hear her say, "Good idea, but no need to push the button because it is the end of the line!".

The bus soon comes to a stop by an immense, pitch dark, parking lot that is only lit up by a few strong lights. It is still in the middle of the night so the parking lot is deserted but I see a few houses vaguely on the other side. As I hurriedly rush off the bus I hear her say, "Do you want to come to my place or should we do it here?"

I rush/run away as fast as I can and I hear her running after me. Even in her heels she is running faster than I am and is slowly, little-by-little, gaining in on me. I curse my smoking habits and try to increase the distance again but feel this is a race I will surely lose. She is going to have me...

Then the blessed alarm goes off, and I wake up in a cold sweat.
---

As I think of my nightmare now I am struck by my uncharacteristic behavior.

Why didn't I just speak up and tell her to zip up because I was not interested?
Why did I start running? She was a woman and not a large one either. I could certainly have warded her off to protect my dick and myself.
Why did I in my dream so clearly place myself in the role and actions of a defenseless victim?
What would have been so totally terrible about having my little dickie munched on by a woman that I ended up in this frenzy?
Am I going bisexual or - may the Gods save me from that horrible fate - even heterosexual?

Blog Stats for November

Bock in SecondLife had 5,4 % fewer hits in November 2011 than in October. The number of pageviews for November is 12 711, while there was an all time high of 13 436 pageviews in October. The previous records were set September 2011 (12 749 pageviews) and July 2011 (12 477 pageviews).

Pageviews by country 11/2011

Sweden still leads as my all time largest reader country with 55 954 pageviews, while the United States comes in at 34 156 pageviews and Egypt in third place with 5 737 pageviews.

The three largest language groups among my readers in November 2011 were English (50,5 %), Swedish (21,1 %) with German and Spanish sharing third place (5,3 %).

Pick A Number

I found this piece by Paul Rudnick in the New Yorker through my steady supplier J.M.G, "Pick A Number".

I´m a definite 18, what are you? Tell us the number you pick at J.M.G.; I Pick 18.

My Day In Hibernation

I took this day off because it´s been a rough fortnight in both my first and second lives. I have been dealing with a lot in my mind and finally I felt like I reached a point of "sensory and mental overload".

I needed to shut down "the brain-machine" and do a reboot to let the dust settle in my mind and get a fresh look on things. The excuse I used to myself and others was that I needed to go out and buy Christmas presents, which sounds acceptable because of the time of the year.

The alarm was set to wake me up at 9 AM this morning and I got out of bed and turned on the computer to read my mail. There were two of interest, from two of the living people that I love the most in real life and SecondLife, although I was really happy to receive them and for the good news they contained, I found myself lacking in energy to respond directly. Two hours later I went back to bed and lay there sleeping (mostly) or thinking, avoiding the cold, the darkness and the storm brewing outside. Finally I woke up at 9 PM and got out of bed and made coffee.

Sometimes I earnestly wish that I could change my personality as easily as I change skin, shape, hair and eyes in SecondLife. I wish I could stay calm, cool and collected at all times and wasn't prone to follow my passions  I wish my parents, my school and my mentors in life had taught me, that I do not need to share my opinion on every matter I feel strongly about or that I do not always have to react when I see what I perceive as injustices. The world can do well enough with out my opinionated rantings.

After the first two cups of coffee I realized my thoughts were futile, it is not possible - yet - to change your personality in a radical way when one is close to 42 years old. I must do the best I can with what I have and follow my path. What I can do is perhaps to be clearer about why I do and say things and hopefully make it clear to everyone that my intentions - mostly - are good and honest.

Enough of being self centered, tomorrow is another day! Christmas presents, Christmas cards and the Saint Lucio Walk of Sha.. ummm, ummm Honor at the Swedish Embassy in SecondLife on December 13th are on my to do list for the weekend.

New Premium Gift

Linden Lab today sent out a new gift to premium members.

It looks like a great little sailboat, I may have to ask seasoned sailor Vanadis for some lessons though! ...or perhaps a sexy male avatar would suit me better...?

The Woman I Love

"Millimina", photo by Millimina Salamander

I know she always loves me,
I know she always forgives me,
I know she will always support me
and she has always been there for me

Even when she scolds me,
even when she is angry with me,
even when I am bad, forgetful, selfish, thoughtless, cruel or just plain stupid,
she is always there for me.

She is my memory,
she comforts me when I cry and
she holds me, hugs me when I don´t deserve it.
She will always be there, for me.

I will always love you, my darling sister Millimina, and I am so sorry I forgot your rezday on December 6th, but you didn't remind me... (Hugs to Apmel for stepping in!)

Ugh sorry, but I am no poet (as if I need to tell you...)

"Gay Rights are Human Rights", Clinton Says

Hillary Clinton, US Secretary of State

United States Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gave a wonderful speech at the International Human Rights Day held yesterday at the United Nations in Geneva, Switzerland, about the Obama administrations new policy to fight discrimination against gays and lesbians abroad by using foreign aid and diplomacy to encourage reform.

"Some seem to believe it is a western phenomenon and therefore people outside the west have grounds to reject it. 

Well, in reality gay people are born into and belong to every society in the world. They are all ages, all races, all faiths, they are doctors and teachers, farmers and bankers, soldiers and athletes.  

Whether we know it, whether we acknowledge it, they are our family, our friends and our neighbors.  

Being gay is not a western invention, it is a human reality." 

Hillary Clinton spoke in front of an auditorium full of ambassadors, many of them representatives from countries where homosexuality is a criminal offence.

You can see the full speech here (but you can find it all over the Internet)

I do not think her hairdo is particularly flattering - and I feel soooo gay and simpleminded when I write that - but do not let that unimportant fact distract you from listening to this great speech, focus on her eyes and words instead. (And yes Vanadis, I actually would say something like that even if it was a man speaking!)