The Torturing Dog

Today it came to my attention that I have been nourishing a torturer.

The dog torturer himself

I woke up this morning with a really bad nightmare where I thought I was fending off kisses from the presidents of the Russian Federation and the United States of America - the two men I detest most in the world (Not having met or knowing all men - yet.).

As I discovered when I woke up it was my dog Bilbo sticking his tongue under my upper lip and dragging it all the way to the other side of the mouth and then repeating it fast and furiously. The movement continued despite me trying to turn my head away. I was in a real panic when I finally woke up and discovered what was going on.

The whole awful experience reminded me of a time when I kissed a guy in Gothenburg, he apparently was well known and much loved for his oversized tongue. Well, I can tell you that I did not enjoy being kissed by him. He stuck his exceptionally long tongue all the way in and then started whisking it about furiously as is if there was a motor on it. The only thing stimulated by this was my vomit reflex. 

Repeat Visits by Martin

Reverend Martin Ssempa, of the Uganda Makerere Community Church, visited with me twice during the past night.

On both occasions I found myself scampering out of my own bed, to get away from him. I woke up laying on the floor, having hit my head on the nightstand with my heart racing wildly from the scare.

Why the homophobic Pastor "Eat Da Poo-Poo" should suddenly wish to raid my dreams I cannot explain.

I am going back to bed again now, hoping my sleep will not be disturbed again.

"You Are A Slut, Bock!"

Today has been sort of a weird day. The first thing I noticed was that I had a cold again and - as always when I have a cold - I had a really nasty cough too.

People sometimes get scared and think I am about to die when they hear me cough, if they haven't heard me coughing before. My coughs come in attacks, are really, really loud and sort of come from the belly up. They sound as if my body is trying to push my lungs out through my mouth.

To alleviate the coughing I took some of my preferred cough syrup, Cocillana-Etyfin. It's an antitussive drug I get prescribed by my sweet Hungarian doctor, The main ingredient in it is ethylmorphine but it also contains other antitussives such as Cocilana extract and Senega extract. The problem is that I probably overdosed the medication a bit today, which is always risky because most of them contain narcotics of some kind and you end up with a high.

A short sidetrack. I formerly used a medication named Lepheton, which combines both ethyl-morphine and ephedrine. If I took the recommended dosage I ended up with the worst nightmares I have ever encountered or the most vivid and wonderful sex dreams  The nightmares were so bad though that I eventually decide to switch to another medication as I could never know or control what kind of dream I would get.

My overdose today made me lightheaded , scatterbrained, unfocused  and totally obsessed with sex. Luckily my stepson Guyke was close at hand so I only talked to him about what was on my unfocused mind, although some of it may have slipped into local chat from time to time in a cloaked way. Guyke wisely enough just laughed at me.

All through the opening of Eddi Haskell's latest exhibition I was discussing sex and my preferences in certain aspects with my SecondLife son, while trying to be charming to the other guests while ogling the beautiful men at the party. I remember thinking to myself at one point, "You are a slut, Bock!", but it did not help me or stop me from going on ranting into poor Guyke's ears.

I am hoping the young man is not scared for life.

Strange Nightmare

Matt Damon's A1+ Quality smile

Tonight I had the strangest nightmare, which made me wake up with a scream. I dreamed that I felt something logged in my left cheek. When I pulled it out and looked at it I saw it was a partial denture for the four lower front teeth. I wondered who they belonged to, but as I was thinking about that my tongue felt a big gaping hole in the front of my lower jaw. When I tried the dentures they fit right into the hole. That's when I wake up, sitting up in by bed with a scream.

The thing is that, through a fluke of nature, I am the only one in my immediate family that has excellent teeth. Other than having the two upper wisdom teeth extracted, because they were growing crookedly, and succeeding in splitting a lower teeth while biting into a pebble in some badly cleaned rice, the rest of my teeth are immaculate. Unlike my parents and sisters I have always looked forward to my visits with my dentist and dental hygienist and I go there with joyful steps.

Despite my great teeth I have had a recurring nightmare since childhood. In the nightmare I am walking down a flight of stairs when I trip and fall. In the fall I manage to get all my front teeth knocked out.

The new nightmare seems to be a variation to the old familiar one, but after the fact of the fall instead of during it. I don't like it all and don't understand it.

...But For the Grace of My Alarm Clock

Photo by Kurney Ramsey

I just woke up from a terrible nightmare.

In my dream I was travelling by bus somewhere in the middle of the night and had been sleeping on some seats in the back of the bus. As I slowly wake up and am still dazed I hear a woman making comments about an erection that she has liked the look off. She keeps on talking about it.

After a few minutes I am awake enough to start looking around the bus to try and catch a glimpse of the lauded member and it´s patron. To my astonishment I discovered that the woman and I are alone on the bus. It is then I realize that she has been talking to me about my member. I feel myself blush intensely.

I do my best to ignore her and push the Stop-button to get off at the next bus stop. "OK", I hear her say, "Good idea, but no need to push the button because it is the end of the line!".

The bus soon comes to a stop by an immense, pitch dark, parking lot that is only lit up by a few strong lights. It is still in the middle of the night so the parking lot is deserted but I see a few houses vaguely on the other side. As I hurriedly rush off the bus I hear her say, "Do you want to come to my place or should we do it here?"

I rush/run away as fast as I can and I hear her running after me. Even in her heels she is running faster than I am and is slowly, little-by-little, gaining in on me. I curse my smoking habits and try to increase the distance again but feel this is a race I will surely lose. She is going to have me...

Then the blessed alarm goes off, and I wake up in a cold sweat.
---

As I think of my nightmare now I am struck by my uncharacteristic behavior.

Why didn't I just speak up and tell her to zip up because I was not interested?
Why did I start running? She was a woman and not a large one either. I could certainly have warded her off to protect my dick and myself.
Why did I in my dream so clearly place myself in the role and actions of a defenseless victim?
What would have been so totally terrible about having my little dickie munched on by a woman that I ended up in this frenzy?
Am I going bisexual or - may the Gods save me from that horrible fate - even heterosexual?