When
Ars and I got together late in 2007 he made it completely clear to me that he and his
SecondLife son
Guyke came as a package deal. If I wanted to be with Ars, I would have to accept Guyke as part of the family. Ars was careful to explain to me that the two had been lovers for a time, but that the relationship and love between them had - over time - grown into one of father and son instead.
However much I was in love with Ars his request was something I needed to think carefully about. I am not the kind of man who enters into commitments easily just to regret, renege or try to renegotiate at a later date. If I was going to enter into this relationship I wanted to think about it and know what I was agreeing to. I had to have some time to think and Ars would have some questions to answer. Ars patiently answered all my questions and gave me the space and time I needed.
When I had gotten all the answers and assurances I needed from Ars I told him that I was willing to accept Guyke as his son and a member of our family. Until this point in my SecondLife existence the concept of families in-world had been bewildering to me.
At first Guyke and I were quite cautious in our dealings with each other, but as we got the spoken or silent reassurances we needed from the other we grew to love each other. I actually at times feel like a stepfather to him. Guyke is extremely easy to love - when he wants to. He is an extremely charming and considerate man with a great capacity for love. Of course, like all children, he can also be a completely impossible and insolent brat, but that passes quickly and I have learned how to handle it.
Neither Ars nor Guyke ever gave me reason to regret my decision.
I do believe, as I told Guyke, that Ars would have been very happy and more than a little surprised to know that we still get along and are a family more than three years after he had left us and was not here to mediate between his pigheaded son - all inherited from his father - and me. In my opinion that's is the best proof of the love the two of us have for each other.
When I met with Guyke in-world today it was the first time in a long time. Guyke has been busy with his first lime and the new love he has found there. I haven't been as regular in-world either so we have missed connecting accept for a few offline messages.
As Guyke tells me,
"he doesn't do mails" except for extremely short messages or report
We met over by the barn at
Southern Charm, as I was there setting up the the new furniture I bought at
Post today. When I had finished doing that - and we had admired the result sufficiently - we sat down to talk while my bulldog
Bilbo snoozed in his basket.
Before we could talk about more important stuff we had to get the question of our disagreement on the pressing subject of Ziggy's new blond hairdo out of the way.
Guyke asked me if I honestly thought that Ziggy looked good in the new hairdo, because he did not like it one bit. I told Guyke that although I might think that Ziggy was more of a brunette personalty, I actually loved the new blond hair. Guyke then accused me of having lousy taste, to which I answered that I have impeccable taste but perhaps very personal. I also told him that I found it easy to accept and forgive the whims and caprices of my friends and that if Ziggy loved his new hair, then so did I.
After that was settled we could move on to other topics.
Guyke started out with asking if we could be serious. I assured him that I would be.
My son then reminded me that Ars had loved me dearly and would have wished me to be well. For this reason - if nothing else - I should focus on my real life and to make the necessary changes to get better. He wished me to promise him that I would really to that and that I would give priority to my real life..
I told Guyke that I would give him the same promise that I had given to my boss, that I would do my utmost to make the necessary changes in my life with the end goal of improving my physical health. I went on to say that I felt that I could make the necessary changes in my first life while keeping up my SecondLife.
Guyke then accused me of not listening - and told me I never listened to him - and wanted me to admit to having a real life and not a first life.
I told my son that I had actually listened very carefully to what he had said, but that did not mean that I had to accept his premise that SecondLife was in someway unreal. I went on to tell him that what mattered most to me in any of my lives were people and my relationships with them. In my opinion people were not less real in SecondLife than they were in
first life, so I refused - and would continue to refuse - to use that expression because I believed it to be untrue for me.
My son got cross with me over this philosophical quibble and told me he was disappointed in me. He also refused to hug me when he had to leave for bed because he was so upset.
I was sorry that Guyke left in a bad mood and without our usual hug. I did not understand how we had ended up in that linguistic and philosophical debate on whether one of the lives is more real than the other. I love my stepson dearly, sometimes I do not think he fully understands to what extent, I also know that he loves me.
I do understand that Guyke is concerned about my health and that he wishes me all the best. Indeed I am grateful for him for expressing his worries and it makes me love him even more. I know we will get over this stupid argument and I want to assure him that I am going to do my very best to keep my promises to him, my boss and myself concerning the changes I need to make in my life to improve my health.
