Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Miss Us

I have always been fiercely individual and have rarely been prepared to, or wanted to, adapt to what is expected of togetherness and in relationships. I have guarded my freedom to do whatever I wished whenever I wished to do it and to let no one hold me back. And then Ars happened.

The first eight months of my SecondLife I had successfully fended off all relationships and offers of partnering, I just could not understand how such a thing as a virtual love affair or relationship could ever work, either in the.short run or in the long run. And then Ars happened.

It was actually very strange when I found myself to be so dependent on another man, his moods, his schedules, his wishes. Someone once told me during an argument that I was lucky meeting Ars when I did. I agreed with him and did not think about his statement anymore until after Ars had passed away. I know I asked him at some point then, but I cannot recall his answer - it all happened during the blurriest part of my grieving.

Still, I do agree with the guy. I was lucky in meeting Ars when I did. What we had and what we became together just grew naturally and I never felt it as a limitation or an obstacle, rather the opposite. Ars supported me, lifted me, taught me and guided me. I guess I did something for him also, but I cannot imagine what I did to be showered with such affection and love.

I miss our talks, jokes, discussions and even our quarrels. Ars thought I was too naive and overly kind to everyone and too political. I was upset with him for having given up on the political process altogether and sometimes for working too much and for being a cynic and not taking care of himself. I miss sharing ideas, dreams and thoughts with him.  I miss being loved.

I miss "us", I miss "we" and I miss being a part of "Ars and I".

2 comments :

If you make any overtly offensive comment or go way off topic your comments may be deleted.

If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, please inform me and I'll be forever grateful and give you my first born (although, you'll probably not want that).