Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Miss Us

I have always been fiercely individual and have rarely been prepared to, or wanted to, adapt to what is expected of togetherness and in relationships. I have guarded my freedom to do whatever I wished whenever I wished to do it and to let no one hold me back. And then Ars happened.

The first eight months of my SecondLife I had successfully fended off all relationships and offers of partnering, I just could not understand how such a thing as a virtual love affair or relationship could ever work, either in the.short run or in the long run. And then Ars happened.

It was actually very strange when I found myself to be so dependent on another man, his moods, his schedules, his wishes. Someone once told me during an argument that I was lucky meeting Ars when I did. I agreed with him and did not think about his statement anymore until after Ars had passed away. I know I asked him at some point then, but I cannot recall his answer - it all happened during the blurriest part of my grieving.

Still, I do agree with the guy. I was lucky in meeting Ars when I did. What we had and what we became together just grew naturally and I never felt it as a limitation or an obstacle, rather the opposite. Ars supported me, lifted me, taught me and guided me. I guess I did something for him also, but I cannot imagine what I did to be showered with such affection and love.

I miss our talks, jokes, discussions and even our quarrels. Ars thought I was too naive and overly kind to everyone and too political. I was upset with him for having given up on the political process altogether and sometimes for working too much and for being a cynic and not taking care of himself. I miss sharing ideas, dreams and thoughts with him.  I miss being loved.

I miss "us", I miss "we" and I miss being a part of "Ars and I".


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