Friday, August 30, 2013

Men Only vs. Women Only

At the moment I am thinking of something there has been some brouhaha around on the SecondLife pages on Facebook, the fact that certain clubs only allow gay men. To me this issue is really not important one way or the other, but I know it is to some of my gay friends. 

The discussion made me think about the many times in first life, and in SecondLife too, where I have been told that this or that place is not open to men this evening - or ever - because there is a lesbian thing going on or it is a lesbian place and no men are ever allowed. 

I have always accepted that and never made a fuss about it or felt denigrated or shunned. 
Why is it that places, clubs, sims, whatever that only allow gay men are seen as doing something terribly wrong, while places, clubs, sims, whatever that only allow lesbians are seen as something completely natural, tolerated and highly acceptable? Sort of, "We must understand that the girls wish to be alone sometimes, otherwise they feel overpowered by all the gay loudmouths!"

I believe we should accept and respect that a specific group, in this case gay men, sometimes wish to be among their own, with no other gender or straight people (allies or not) present. Sometimes most of us don't want to mix, it's that simple.

On other occasions - and that is most of them - we as gay men love to mix with anyone who respects us, lesbians and straight allies (women and men), hell anyone who is not overtly anti-gay .


  1. Hey, Bock. Personally, I have found over time in SL that the clubs and sims who provide a consistent 'welcoming' invitation to all genders are the ones that remain around the longest - and provide the most interactive 'fun' party atmospheres. I don't personally have an issue with places closing their doors for private parties, however, sims and clubs that eject and outright BAN people based on their gender or preferences.....crosses over into discrimination. These days, I when I choose to go out to a party or event I find that a 'mixed' crowd is the most fun - much like your recent house-warming event!

    1. Hiya Garth, I would personally agree with you on most of what you are saying buddy. But then again there are things I do - as the shameless Scandinavian that I am - that others would never do in a million years in mixed company.

      Like you I have always preferred mixed club because there are things I do not do or want to do at clubs, but I know some of my friends don't have the same inhibitions. When they tell me they do not feel they can do what they want to do with straight people or women present, I must respect that and say go ahead and restrict the patrons to the groups that suit you.

      What I am mainly reacting to however is the double standard that seems to be in place in our attitudes towards similar rules in gay versus lesbian venues or - for that matter - in straight versus homosexual venues.

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