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| (from The Doghouse Diaries via J.M.G. - Please insert "his" where it says "hers") |
I am not at all opposed to a bit of post-coital smooching, cuddling, snuggling, spooning and chit-chatting, but once that is done and it may be time to sleep I want, nay I demand, total S-E-P-A-R-A-T-I-O-N of bodies.
You will know when this time comes because I will be up airing out the room, smoothing the sheets, fluffing the pillows and the duvets.
You will be given your own pillow and your own duvet, do not attempt to take my stuff. Leave at least ten (10) centimeters of space from any part of your body to any part of my body. If you snore, under no circumstances fall asleep until you have made sure that I am already sleeping.
Once I am asleep no rules apply any longer and you may take any liberties, I will not notice. Another set of rules apply when it is time to wake up.
For your own safety you are encouraged not to try to squeeze, fondle, hug or kiss me before I have showered, brushed my teeth, had my first two cups of coffee and have started answering your questions.
If you for some reason must wake me up, speak to me with a gentle and kind voice. Your life is at risk if you poke me, tickle me anywhere on my beautiful body or start pulling off my duvet etc. etc.
By all means feel free to talk with me about anything on your mind - I will not bother listening anyway - but do not start arguing with me or criticizing me until I have started answering normal questions like "Did you sleep well?", "Would you like another cup of coffee?".
Follow these simple guidelines and we will get on famously together!
