Today I threw my feelings of shame overboard and talked with a friend, the most non-judgmental guy I know, and explained the situation that had arisen.
He of course already knows that I am suffering from depression and that I am being treated for it. On previous occasions when I have hinted at the reason why I did not invite him or his family to my home, he has always offered to help, but I have told him I wanted to handle it myself.
When we had talked he just told me he had to check with his wife and kids if there was something special that needed his attention today after work, otherwise he was going to my place to help me out. There was nothing going on so he came over today after work.
We have been working together, with him focusing on the heavy carrying and me doing the less heavy work. He was great because he made no comments or jokes but just focused on what had to be done. In an hour and a half we with joint forces managed to empty the apartment from all the junk that had gathered over two and a half years. The apartment has already regained some of it´s previous charm.
My friend is coming back on Sunday evening, with a drill, to help me get some stuff up on the walls that has been laying around waiting for just that since I moved in here close to four years ago.
Until Sunday I am going to vacuum and do a bit of lighter cleaning and then on Wednesday there is a professional cleaning crew coming to do the rougher work, like washing down the nicotine stains from the kitchen cabinets, washing down the tiles in the bathroom and kitchen and give the floors and carpets a good cleaning.
From now on I also am going back to my original plan when i moved to this apartment of no smoking indoors, however sad, tired, cold or lazy I may feel.
I feel very tired but am also happy and relieved. I am wondering why I ever waited this long before accepting the help that has been offered. I am off to bed for a nap now, hope to wake up in time to get into SecondLife.