For several weeks now, I have been mulling over a friendship that ended disastrously. What went wrong? Could I have said or done some thing differently to stop this from ending with unfriending, blocking, muting and banning?
I am getting nowhere and am just winding around in circles, most likely because the breakup is still too close in time or that I am too involved and unable to be objective in my inquiry. It simply hurts too much to think about it. Nonetheless I blame myself for the failure.
Every failed friendship should be followed by an autopsy of sorts to establish when, where and how everything went totally wrong, so that we can learn and avoid the same pattern from occurring again.
I may return to this subject in the future, but for now it seems pointless. All I know is that, to paraphrase the Roxette song, "there must have been love, but its over now". A residue of the love we had still remains and a hope - at least on my part - that somehow this will not be the end.
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Every failed friendship should be followed by an autopsy of sorts to establish when, where and how everything went totally wrong, so that we can learn and avoid the same pattern from occurring again.
I may return to this subject in the future, but for now it seems pointless. All I know is that, to paraphrase the Roxette song, "there must have been love, but its over now". A residue of the love we had still remains and a hope - at least on my part - that somehow this will not be the end.
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ReplyDeleteI am not a victim, I never have been and never intend to become one. I am sorry that is the way you read it, because it was not at all the way it was intended.
Deletejust for the record I decided to remove my comments before they got removed :P
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI only delete comments that are abusive or attack other people, not comments that are - direct or indirect - attacks on me.
DeleteMaybe you did something wrong when you decided to publish private convo's?
ReplyDeletelives change, people change, circumstances change, relationships change .... often nobody is really to blame even when we see it different ourself. Move on, turn the page. Perhaps on next chapter things will be different, but you'll find out when you are there.
ReplyDeleteEverybody has a little angel or devil hiding in his head, some know to hide it very well for long time, while others have experienced the bad sides long ago already, this close friend was perhaps a good actor and shows his real face now, as others seen him for many years....
Oh goodie the anonymous mud slinging squad to the rescue...
DeleteMost people who come in contact with the inappropriate behavior of an alcoholic will simply walk away. They will end the relationship or friendship and take steps to avoid further contact. But for many others it is not so simple. Others seem to be drawn to alcoholics and the more the behavior becomes unacceptable or abusive, the harder they seem to hold on to the relationship.
DeleteInstructions
1
It is not your fault that the person is an alcoholic or that he is abusive toward you. He is the person making the decision to be the way he is and not to seek help for his problem.
2
Work with your emotions. Write down how you feel in a journal or online diary. Find someone you can talk to, such as a close friend or a counselor.
3
Do activities to get your mind off the situation when you can. Pick up a hobby, take a walk or read a book, for example.
4
Discuss how his behavior hurts you and makes you feel when she is sober. This may or may not work, but an alcoholic will be more likely to listen when sober. Alcohol impairs logical thinking and judgment.
5
Look for opportunities to escape the situation if things don't get better, especially if the alcoholic is abusing you physically. You shouldn't have to remain in an abusive situation forever. Simply leave and go to a public place if you have nowhere else to go.
Oh goodie there can never be enough amateur psychologists in the world...
ReplyDeleteI think this is pretty clear this is the end now Bock... Be well!
ReplyDeleteThat is not even amateur psychology it facts. I am a recovered Alcoholic and Drug addict since 2002 i attended (STAR Council is a group of skilled, caring professionals who empower individuals, families, and communities to choose a substance free lifestyle. Since 1981, we have provided education in schools and communities to reduce the likelihood of alcohol and drug abuse, as well as counseling to help families find recovery from the devastation of addiction.) I was in there program for a full year. After i got clean did Individual counseling and as well as Group counseling for another year on a volunteer basis to help others get through the program. facts are facts
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm on dr. Phil lol!
ReplyDeleteIt facts!
ReplyDeleteDefamation
ReplyDeleteAny intentional false communication, either written or spoken, that harms a person's reputation; decreases the respect, regard, or confidence in which a person is held; or induces disparaging, hostile, or disagreeable opinions or feelings against a person.
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of social class, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, appearance, behavior, body language, personality, reputation, lineage, strength, size or ability.[1][2] If bullying is done by a group, it is called mobbing.[3]
ReplyDeleteBullying can be defined in many different ways. The UK has no legal definition of bullying,[4] while some U.S. states have laws against it.[5] Bullying is divided into four basic types of abuse – emotional (sometimes called relational), verbal, physical, and cyber.[6] It typically involves subtle methods of coercion, such as intimidation.
Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more "lieutenants" who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse.[7] Robert W. Fuller has analyzed bullying in the context of rankism.