Fatherly Advice

My son Guyke is going to Finland - again - to meet up with his man Janttu.

I don´t trust the boy to pack correctly for the trip and am not sure he really understands everything he should know about Finns and their barbaric customs.

So here are a few hints on some essentials.

What to pack

1. Loads of clean underwear. You don´t know when you get a chance to wash and I don´t want to hear you were in an accident wearing filthy underwear.

2. Lots of clean flannel shirts. I think thats what they wear mostly, as they all live isolated out in the deep forests close to a lake somewhere in the wilderness. (There are tens of thousands of lakes in Finland.)

3. Socks. You need to keep your feet warm at all times.

4. A fur coat. Baby, it´s still very cold there I don´t want you to catch pneumonia.

5. Condoms. For those "really cold nights and days" this is added protection. You can share with Janttu - and by that I mean give hi m his own, don´t try to use the same one. 

6. Elbow grease. I don´t want to hear that you have been walking around in the wilderness with chafed elbows and dry skin. Apply some on your lips too, it keeps them shiny and gives you a winning smile.

Remember to always moisturize, thats what keeps us McMillan men always looking good.


You have heard about saunas I am sure, but the Finnish saunas are not like the ones you have encountered in the seedy Belgian gay clubs. People behave properly there, no hanky panky!

This is what you need when going into a Finnish sauna. A bunch of twigs to beat off the guys molesting you or trying to fondle you. Just smack them and if they complain about it you just go ahead and tell them "My daddy told me so!".

You also need a small bucket of very cold water, which you can use to cool down the really bad boys.

Towels are optional and are mostly used to sit on so you don´t burn your buns. Never ever wear a bathing suit in the sauna, thats an absolute and definite no-no and may get you thrown out head first.

And this is how you sit in a real Finnish sauna, no staring around or exposing yourself flamboyantly or any such behavior. Look serious and morose, talk very little and - for the love of me - keep your hands to yourself!

Have a great time Guyke, and see you again soon!

Janttu, I will smack your sweet ass if my son has lost a single hair on his body or if you send him home to me barefooted and pregnant.