....so read it while it´s up here!
I warned you before, this blog is mainly for myself! It´s a sort of exercise in selfhelp or - if you will - even masturbation to cover the fact that my loneliness since Ars passing is becoming more and more apparent to me.
After I wrote the post "Ma che bella serata", I went to take a nap,
AGAIN, I never ever used to take naps before! In my sleep, I had the strangest dream of myself running around in a frenzy between places and dragging people after me...
When I woke up I was struck with the realization that that is exactly what I am doing in my secondlife also. I have these THINGS I MUST DO. All these events I usually go to where people have been accustomed to my presence and therefore great me in kind and familiar way.
This makes me feel safe and loved and wanted for the moment, it gives me temporary gratification.
Then the second realization struck me! All these places I go to - however kindly I am welcomed and taken care of - are all open to the public. It is really nothing personal about it at all, even if people sometimes tell me that I have been missed on this or that event.
It´s all really about me, running around seeking company in which I feel safe and trying to find safety and closeness amongst the kindness of strangers. I actually haven´t gotten a personal invitation to go anywhere at all since Ars passed away.
..oh by the way I can tell you already, any personal invitation for the next two weeks will be turned down flatly.
Shutting down the computer now, and going out for smokes!
P.S. My thanks to those who left comments here. I decided not to publish any of them, as I take them as personal messages!
P.P.S I Changed my mind
