My blogging has been a bit irregular lately, for which I ask your pardon.
The image above is a true reflection of the state of my thought patterns at the moment. I am trying to get to grips with it.
It is easy for me to accept certain facts and to make a decision of
"letting go" and
"moving on", but when I try to break it down into actions that need to be taken or what course I wish to take out of my present predicament my brain simply shuts down and starts to produce beautiful and erratic confusion.
Since my Ars died I have made myself into a mausoleum for his memory, I realize that, but how do I change that? I have become so used to being the planet around his sun and reflecting the light that shone from him. Where do I find my new light source and how do I create my new universe?
A Swedish comedian said
"Life is like a paper bag, empty and devoid of meaning if you don't fill it with something." So the question remains, what do I fill it with when I remove, or move from the center to the periphery or diminish what Ars has been in my life?
At the same time as all this is going on, I am also worrying about friends around me who have landed in real messes with their health and other first life issues compared to which my self absorption seems extremely petty and petulant.
Kahvy Sands and I talked about taking the first step, just moving and breaking patterns and visits to Spurts Beach. (I should add that the last topic was a joke, or so he tells me...) Kahvy also reminded me about having seen the inside of his steam bath several years ago..png)
