Dear Bock,
It has come to my attention through posts made by "Sticky House Husband Brad" and your lovely reply, that you are a guru of the utmost guruness in matters of the heart.
I believe that I suffer from a lack of heart. You see, several of my potential husbands complied with my request to hold our wedding ceremonies directly beside a cemetery. Contrary to their hopes for a adventurous and sexually exciting evening, I ended their lives and conveniently buried them in the freshly dug graves. While those cemeteries were gorgeous, even in one instance fabulous, I believe my indifference and lack of heart brought me to seeking out body drops more for convenience than love for my potential husbands. Unlike the Grinch of Whoville, my heart does not grow 3 sizes bigger each time I look in their eyes, in fact, I'd wager it shrinks even smaller.
How can I grow my heart big enough so that when my next soon to be dead husband says "I do" I can look into his eyes while smiling because I will bury his body not out of convenience or indifference but because I will bury his body in a site befitting the beauty of his mind, body, and spirit?
Sincerely,
A heart aching to grow
Dear Ahatg,
You are one lucky devil because when I started this column I promised I myself that I would take every request at face value, so I must now accept your request for advice is sincere. Besides, my Editor-in-Chief vehemently insists that I must respond.
One possible way for you to "grow your heart" is to try and let all your unfortunate next husband(s) live for six months after the wedding(s) to give you time to move your deadly interest onto another potential husband. Another way would be to turn to the nearest police office and give them a full and unmitigated account of your doings, preferably also handing over the mementos you have stashed somewhere for your enjoyment and revelling.
However, which is obvious even for an untrained eye, you are most likely a sociopathic serial killer and sex murderer. Although I must commend you for wishing for a bigger heart, there is little or no likelihood of success.
Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point of view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.
It has come to my attention through posts made by "Sticky House Husband Brad" and your lovely reply, that you are a guru of the utmost guruness in matters of the heart.
I believe that I suffer from a lack of heart. You see, several of my potential husbands complied with my request to hold our wedding ceremonies directly beside a cemetery. Contrary to their hopes for a adventurous and sexually exciting evening, I ended their lives and conveniently buried them in the freshly dug graves. While those cemeteries were gorgeous, even in one instance fabulous, I believe my indifference and lack of heart brought me to seeking out body drops more for convenience than love for my potential husbands. Unlike the Grinch of Whoville, my heart does not grow 3 sizes bigger each time I look in their eyes, in fact, I'd wager it shrinks even smaller.
How can I grow my heart big enough so that when my next soon to be dead husband says "I do" I can look into his eyes while smiling because I will bury his body not out of convenience or indifference but because I will bury his body in a site befitting the beauty of his mind, body, and spirit?
Sincerely,
A heart aching to grow
You are one lucky devil because when I started this column I promised I myself that I would take every request at face value, so I must now accept your request for advice is sincere. Besides, my Editor-in-Chief vehemently insists that I must respond.
One possible way for you to "grow your heart" is to try and let all your unfortunate next husband(s) live for six months after the wedding(s) to give you time to move your deadly interest onto another potential husband. Another way would be to turn to the nearest police office and give them a full and unmitigated account of your doings, preferably also handing over the mementos you have stashed somewhere for your enjoyment and revelling.
However, which is obvious even for an untrained eye, you are most likely a sociopathic serial killer and sex murderer. Although I must commend you for wishing for a bigger heart, there is little or no likelihood of success.
Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point of view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.
As a man who lost his first husband in SL to muscular dystrophy in 2007, and lost his best friend and brother in SL 3 years later, I don't find this in the least bit funny.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences on your loses, but I think you have missed the point of this piece altogether. On the other hand it is your prerogative to interpret what you have read as you see fit.
DeleteBeing neither male, nor a prospective dead husband, I would like to offer an opinion from the opposite side of the fence if I may?
ReplyDeleteAhatg, dear man you could consider your options, you could dabble with batting for the other side. In so doing you may see first hand what it is to have a heart that is caring and nurturing. The experience may even engender the growth of your own heart that you are so desirous of. Clearly there is a danger of the woman involved that she will wither away and become a dried out husk of her former self, but hey you will have achieved what it is you seek to achieve.
Just a suggestion .....
Lacy M
LOL. Laughter is part of being human. I'd like to think that my friends and family who have passed on, and whom I dearly miss, would find this letter and response amusing. They loved to laugh and enjoyed dark humor. They would have got the joke. My elderly father who is fixing to pass would get the joke and laugh. For Pete's sake lighten up a bit. It's called humor, you might want to get acquainted with it. Respectfully,
ReplyDeleteGarrett Smith
Dear Bock,
ReplyDeleteIm humbled and honored that you and your Editor responded to my letter. I understand the controversial nature of my peculiar situation and am eternally grateful for your most kind and gracious response. If you have received any comments of pain, sorrow, or other hurt over my first letter, know i saw it's contents very somber and meant to harm to anyone.
I wanted to let you know i took your suggestion and arrived at the police station. And that I met Mr. Burrfort. At first, the conversation was melancholy but then he leaned over the table and pushed
his finger against my lips right after i quoted you by saying "I'm a sociopath." He looked into my eyes while holding his finger against my lips and said, "Sociopaths are devoid of feeling. You're not a sociopath. You just feel too much."
We left the station and have been enjoying each other's company and i think im falling in love with this man that truly sees me, without any of my previous destructive desires.
All of this could not be possible without your wise suggestion. So I thank you again for your guruness in matters of the heart. I do understand that your column is designed to help others, as so would not be offended if this was not shared with your readers. In any case, i thought it would be nice for you to see the result yielded from your labors.
Sincerely and forever in your debt,
A Heart that aches no more
Dear A Heart that aches no more,
DeleteI may have been in the wrong mood when I read and responded to your question, sorry for that. I am often told I take things to seriously and that I don't understand "jokes".
Whatever the case maybe with my sense of humor, it fills my heart with joy that things turned out so well for you and you met a man who understands you and gives you comfort.
My sincere best wishes for the future of your budding romance!