Dear Bock: Love, Lust & Death?

Dear Bock,

It has come to my attention through posts made by "Sticky House Husband Brad" and your lovely reply, that you are a guru of the utmost guruness in matters of the heart.

I believe that I suffer from a lack of heart. You see, several of my potential husbands complied with my request to hold our wedding ceremonies directly beside a cemetery. Contrary to their hopes for a adventurous and sexually exciting evening, I ended their lives and conveniently buried them in the freshly dug graves. While those cemeteries were gorgeous, even in one instance fabulous, I believe my indifference and lack of heart brought me to seeking out body drops more for convenience than love for my potential husbands. Unlike the Grinch of Whoville, my heart does not grow 3 sizes bigger each time I look in their eyes, in fact, I'd wager it shrinks even smaller.

How can I grow my heart big enough so that when my next soon to be dead husband says "I do" I can look into his eyes while smiling because I will bury his body not out of convenience or indifference but because I will bury his body in a site befitting the beauty of his mind, body, and spirit?

Sincerely,
A heart aching to grow

Dear Ahatg,

You are one lucky devil because when I started this column I promised I myself that I would take every request at face value, so I must now accept your request for advice is sincere. Besides, my Editor-in-Chief vehemently insists that I must respond.

One possible way for you to "grow your heart" is to try and let all your unfortunate next husband(s) live for six months after the wedding(s) to give you time to move your deadly interest onto another potential husband. Another way would be to turn to the nearest police office and give them a full and unmitigated account of your doings, preferably also handing over the mementos you have stashed somewhere for your enjoyment and revelling.

However, which is obvious even for an untrained eye, you are most likely a sociopathic serial killer and sex murderer. Although I must commend you for wishing for a bigger heart, there is little or no likelihood of success.

Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point of view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.

Dear Bock: Bodily Fluids?

Dear Bock,

I hear you are the relationship expert. My husband "Fredericko" (I changed the names to protect the innocent, or to not have him find out) has some peculiar interests in the boudoir. He likes me to be sticky and will not offer a warm moist washcloth after love making nor will he allow me to shower. Should I be concerned? Is this the beginning of some kinky sex play that I should run away from? Please help.

Sincerely,
Sticky House Husband Brad

Dear Brad,

Ahhh the eternal question about bodily fluids and their permissibility or not in sexual relations. 

Body fluids are liquids secreted or excreted from our living bodies (among others breast milk, blood, feces, pus, saliva, semen, smegma, sweat, tears, urine, vaginal secretions and vomit etc). All body fluids can carry STDs, so should not be entertained with someone whose serostatus is unknown. 

I always say, if both participants are consenting adults who want it or are OK with it, just go for it. If one wants it and the other doesn't, you have a problem that needs to be communicated and solved. 

No one should suffer during sexual activities or be forced to do something they do not want, it should all be about fun, enjoyment and - for most of us - expressing your love or warm delightful feelings. 

If your lover likes you "sticky" after your lovemaking while you find it absolutely abhorrent, try talking about it and negotiate it to something that is acceptable for both of you. A good start could be if you agreed to try lying on your back and thinking of the Empire for 5-10 minutes before rushing to the showers the next 3-5 times you have sex. Then again, if it is something absolutely unthinkable for you, a determined "No!" should suffice and no trials are needed.

If that works out for the two of you, then consider gradually increasing the time. If you still find it totally unacceptable, then you need to drop that activity and find other venues. The landscape of sexual activities is a wonderfully abundant smorgasbord to pick and choose from, there will be things you both will enjoy.

ADDENDUM & EDIT: Initially I had written a summary here of my own personal likes and dislikes concerning the listed body fluids, which I have on later revision decided to remove as it could be perceived as judgemental.

Suffice it to say, if I had a lover who wanted to run to the shower immediately after orgasm, I would most definitely be bothered, disturbed and insulted. But that's just my personal tastes...

Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point-of-view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.

Dear Bock: Second Chances?

"Dear Bock,

How many second chances do you give someone, who hurts you time and again?

Sad in Saskatchewan"

Bock McMillan,
photo by J.J. Goodman

Dear S-i-S,

There are no fixed rules! Individual circumstances and the individuals involved are paramount in deciding when enough-is-enough-is-enough for you, not - and I repeat not - for the person who hurts you.

In deciding this you must take into consideration "The 5 W's and the H", who, when, what, where and why and, finally, how it makes you feel.

If it is someone you don't know and don't care about there are no second chances at all however minor the offense is, whereas if it is a child or someone you love deeply there may not be a limit at all. Well, not until you feel that their saying "I'm sorry" for the umpteenth time just isn't enough anymore. You simply have had enough and do not wish to let yourself be hurt by that person again. That is when you pull up stakes and move yourself out of harm's way and do what you can to avoid further contact!

However, always keep in mind, you are human and are allowed to change your mind if and when you want to. There is always, always, a tomorrow... But, and this is a big one, before you forgive and forget, ask yourself if there has been any real indication of change in the other person. Otherwise you may just be setting yourself up to be hurt again.

Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point-of-view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.