Dear [Julie],
Thank you very much for your email. It was much appreciated, and I was particularly touched by you having shared my words to Dej at his first life service. That way he got to hear it twice and cannot deny it.
Families are messy. We know each other so well and for such a long time. We know exactly how to hurt one another most and - in some cases - we use that knowledge. It is always sad when it happens, and I can understand how one feels helpless to alter the situation. So many cogs that must click into each other and balance each other at the same time for the relationships to improve.
My own family was on the opposite end of the spectra, possibly because both my parents came from dysfunctional family backgrounds and had sworn their children would never have to go through the same. Instead we were lovingly overprotected and had to fight ourselves free of their need to control our lives, still, there was always love and help when one needed it.
I, of course, knew that Dej had a very tense relationship with his family, although he never told me why. I didn't pry either. We shared the information we wished to share and nothing more was asked. For a while, after your father passed away, I thought he might be relenting but then it seemed to stop.
SecondLife is not "a game" per se, not for most of its users. There are no points to be won or anything of the sort. We build, socialize, party, make friends and families. You can be as outgoing as you wish or as withdrawn as you like. I'll send you a picture of my SecondLife avatar right now. Don't whistle too loudly, please, you may wake your neighbors!
Dej absolutely loved Jeff Buckley's rendition of "Hallelujah". He would have been extremely pleased to know you remembered that and played it for him at his service. Of that I am certain.
The fact that Dej and I got along so famously for eight years is a miracle, we both had a temper, although he was without a doubt the most volcanic. I used to tell him - repeatedly that I must be "The Most Patient and Humble Man in SecondLife" to still be friends with him. He would sing me a line from some silly musical and we would laugh at each other. (That is to explain the name of the picture I am sending you.)
As I believe I already told Andy, I had been badgering and begging Dej to go see a doctor the last two years, as his cough seemed to get continuously worse. He did not budge, and it is difficult to make a grown man listen and follow your advice if he doesn't want to. I was so angry with Dej when I heard from Andy that the cause of his death was untreated pneumonia. If he had still been alive I would have clobbered him over the head until he passed out.
Still, neither you, the rest of his first life family or I should feel guilty. None of us could have made him see a doctor if he didn't wish to. It would have been a case of finding him when he was passed out and still savable for that to work. And how would any of us now that when he did not reach out and tell us? No guilt, [Julie], no guilt. Dej was a grown man and made poor choices that in the end cost him his life. Although I will always love him and remember him, I refuse to feel guilty, neither should you!
Swedes hug a lot and all the time, so I am sending you a hug. Just deal with it 😉
Hugs,
[Bock]
