Dear Bock: Bodily Fluids?

Dear Bock,

I hear you are the relationship expert. My husband "Fredericko" (I changed the names to protect the innocent, or to not have him find out) has some peculiar interests in the boudoir. He likes me to be sticky and will not offer a warm moist washcloth after love making nor will he allow me to shower. Should I be concerned? Is this the beginning of some kinky sex play that I should run away from? Please help.

Sincerely,
Sticky House Husband Brad

Dear Brad,

Ahhh the eternal question about bodily fluids and their permissibility or not in sexual relations. 

Body fluids are liquids secreted or excreted from our living bodies (among others breast milk, blood, feces, pus, saliva, semen, smegma, sweat, tears, urine, vaginal secretions and vomit etc). All body fluids can carry STDs, so should not be entertained with someone whose serostatus is unknown. 

I always say, if both participants are consenting adults who want it or are OK with it, just go for it. If one wants it and the other doesn't, you have a problem that needs to be communicated and solved. 

No one should suffer during sexual activities or be forced to do something they do not want, it should all be about fun, enjoyment and - for most of us - expressing your love or warm delightful feelings. 

If your lover likes you "sticky" after your lovemaking while you find it absolutely abhorrent, try talking about it and negotiate it to something that is acceptable for both of you. A good start could be if you agreed to try lying on your back and thinking of the Empire for 5-10 minutes before rushing to the showers the next 3-5 times you have sex. Then again, if it is something absolutely unthinkable for you, a determined "No!" should suffice and no trials are needed.

If that works out for the two of you, then consider gradually increasing the time. If you still find it totally unacceptable, then you need to drop that activity and find other venues. The landscape of sexual activities is a wonderfully abundant smorgasbord to pick and choose from, there will be things you both will enjoy.

ADDENDUM & EDIT: Initially I had written a summary here of my own personal likes and dislikes concerning the listed body fluids, which I have on later revision decided to remove as it could be perceived as judgemental.

Suffice it to say, if I had a lover who wanted to run to the shower immediately after orgasm, I would most definitely be bothered, disturbed and insulted. But that's just my personal tastes...

Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point-of-view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to lundamats@gmail.com. Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.

Avatar Appearances

Its important how you look, not crucial, but still important. Sometime during Pride week one of my immediate "friends" (huh?) told me very kindly that I looked old, which set me out on a hunt for a new skin. I have spent most of my time since, when I do not assist my cantankerous builder/interior decorator Butch Diavolo, with searching for a new skin that I would feel happy and content in.

I ended up buying four (4) skins in three (3) days, because I momentarily thought I liked them. After using them a short while everything about the new skin just feels "wrong" in a powerful way. It is silly really, because my avatar is not really me, but still I have to feel good and comfortable in every aspect of it.

So I have now - for the time being at least - decided to stay with the skin I have had for two years. All the new ones feel too shiny and oily. Besides they all also seem to have too much eyeliner on, wearing the skins I feel like a man of ill-repute in a Moroccan bordello. What do I care if I look old, I prefer aging gracefully than to look as if I was desperately trying to be more youthful than I am., Growing older is still better than the only other option.

Speaking of eyeliners, following a comment on my blog yesterday I came across an interesting post on Nigel Riel's blog Trials of Eyeliner (I have added it to my blogroll now) that deals with avatar shapes.

Apparently there is a rule of thumb concerning human - and hence also human avatars - proportions, saying that an adult humans height should on average ideally be around 7½ heads high, with the rest of the body parts spaced in as you see from this picture on Nigel's blog.

Image by Nigel Riel

In my life as an avatar I have of course come across the usual accusations from those in SecondLife who believe that we should all try to emulate reality in-world also and it is therefore somehow "morally wrong" to be the normal 2,20 m tall, the same rule seems to apply on overly muscular bodies. To them I say, "Bite me!"

Oh speaking of proportions, reality and heads, did I ever tell you about the two supposedly artists that at separate occasions have IM'd me to inform me that my head "is too small compared to the rest of your body". They both looked like dogshit in their perfectly proportioned bodies, by the way. Being the kind man I am, I did not tell them that but merely answered that, I liked my head fine and that the head actually doesn't grow when you pump up your body. Of course they could have meant compared to my height, in which case they would have been correct, but as I remember it they said nothing about my height.

Well, I don't care one bit about "reality" in avatar appearance, but I do strive to be proportionate. Using the guidelines that Nigel points to in his post Trials of Eyeliner: Monday Meme – 6-24, I am going to give my avatar an overhaul on proportions. Hopefully it will help me plenty in the avatar meat race!