On Friday I was thinking I should start to take stock of and reevaluate what I am doing with my life, first and second.
Then on Saturday everything came to a sort of standstill when I suddenly realized that nothing really made me happy, sad, angry, irritated or upset or evoked any emotions within me whatsoever. Nothing! I just suddenly went totally numb.
Nothing makes me want to think, act, get involved or bother in the least about it. It´s a really strange state for me, I cannot remember ever being here before. It´s like a very strange limbo, not unpleasant at all and very calm but sort of distant from everyone and everything.
Usually my feelings are what get me going. My feelings feed my thoughts and my thoughts lead to my actions, these lead to new reactions which I feel, think about and act on ad infinitum. Now I just think and absolutely nothing at all comes of it. My feelings sort of slammed the door in my face and just up and left.
I am still sure of certain things concerning my feelings though, but more in a rational than emotional way.
1. My parents love me and I love them.
2. I love Ars and Ars loved me.
3. Although I have always been a relationship junkie, I have never in my life been as clingy or dependent on others as I have been this last year. I am not used to throwing myself at anyone and ask them to take care of me, it doesn't suit me at all.
Well just wanted to let you - or perhaps myself - know whats going on here. Hopefully this will not last long. Hell, not even that wanker Assange upsets me right now - and that I know for sure will not last.
