How Could I Forget?

A few months before I rezzed into SecondLife in March of 2007 I had broken off a three year long affair with a married man in first life.

I have never seen it as my responsibility to decide or influence how other people lead their lives or how they handle their other relationships, neither do I wish to pass any moral judgement on their attitude towards extramarital affairs. The only person whos actions I can judge and wish to influence are my own. In my own relationships I have not accepted anything except total commitment, trust and loyalty. Infidelity is never an option.

The first life affair left me totally drained of all self-respect and confidence in myself. Of course I accept that a person who is involved with someone and/or has a family must give them the highest priority, that goes without saying. However, even with that knowledge it doesn't mean that I must be the one they have their fling with.

It took a lot of time and effort on Ars' part to rebuild me from what I had become during that affair. I cannot understand how I suddenly forgot the lesson learned and was prepared to throw it all away just because of my sexual desperation.

Today I sent a message to the man I have been chatting and planning a date with on a Swedish cruising site, that I am no longer interested in meeting him for a sexual encounter but that I would like to continue our friendship.

Yesterday

I have been feeling increasingly stressed and sad lately, mostly because of a few upcoming  year-days and how to organize them. So yesterday it all poured out when I was talking with my little sister Millimina. I am so fortunate to have loving and trustworthy family and friends in SecondLife.

The result of the conversation is that I have been relieved of all organizational obligations for the two events, and I have dropped it all in the lap of Millimina, my son Guyke, Andrey and Dejerrity. (Guyke and Dej don´t know what happened yet, but I´ll try and get in touch with them today.)

My relief immediately expressed itself. When I finally let down my guard my head totally exploded into the most excruciating headache I have had for a very long time, which led to a sleepless night until I finally dropped off after calling in sick at work this morning. After a whole day of sleep I am feeling much better and still very relieved.

I will now instead be ordering my sister and son about like a medieval monarch to get the things organized. I really trust them to work it out just fine on their own, both of them know me well.

Guyke, get in touch with aunt Milli a.s.a.p!

Trust

This evening I have been thinking about the meaning of the word "trust". There are three reasons for this
1) a few incidents relating to the Lucia pageant last Sunday,
2) an e-mail I received today and
3) a survey published today in the Swedish press.

I seem to remember having read somewhere, that trust is a result of clarification of expectations, delivery on expectations and straightforward communication.

The reason Ars and I trusted each other without any doubts or reservations is, I think, that we always took great pains in talking things through and being completely honest with one another. Trust never comes lightly, it is earned by hard work, respect, constant communication and - of course - delivery.

On a lighter note a Swedish company today released a survey concerning which occupations have the highest and lowest confidence among Swedes (20-74 years old).

The results were not really surprising but still interesting. The doctors won with a 55 % confidence rating, closely followed by the police at 50 %. My own profession the lawyers come in at a measly 21 %. In the bottom end we find estate agents 5 %, journalists 4 % and car dealers at 1 %