Ask and Tell

Photography by David Goldenberg

The United States has ended the military´s shameful and discriminatory “Don´t Ask, Don´t Tell” (DADT) policy.

DADT was the official United States policy on homosexuals serving in the military from December 21, 1993 to September 20, 2011. 

From Wikipedia: The policy prohibited military personnel from discriminating against or harassing closeted homosexual or bisexual service members or applicants, while barring openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual persons from military service. The restrictions were mandated by United States federal law. 

The policy prohibited people who "demonstrate a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts" from serving in the armed forces of the United States, because their presence "would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability."

The act prohibited any homosexual or bisexual person from disclosing his or her sexual orientation or from speaking about any homosexual relationships, including marriages or other familial attributes, while serving in the United States armed forces.

The act specified that service members who disclose that they are homosexual or engage in homosexual conduct should be separated (discharged) except when a service member's conduct was "for the purpose of avoiding or terminating military service" or when it "would not be in the best interest of the armed forces".

The "don't ask" part of the DADT policy specified that superiors should not initiate investigation of a service member's orientation without witnessing disallowed behaviors, though credible evidence of homosexual behavior could be used initiate an investigation.
Yesterday the law repealing that shameful policy - signed by president Obama in July - went into effect, and the United States of America joined the other democratic nations of the world that allow Gay and Lesbians to serve openly and honestly in their armed forces.

This is a great victory for the LGBT movement as the Unite States government embraces equality over the policies of hatred and division, thereby putting an end to institutionalized homophobia in the United States military.

It also means that gay and lesbian servicemen now can talk about their lives and loves with other servicemen without lying or withholding information.

Watch this touching video of a young soldier telling his father he is gay.

Rereading emails

I have just been rereading my email correspondence with my Ars.

I saved them all. 34 emails in total during the period from February 26th, 2008, to September 19th, 2009.

Not that many considering the almost two and a half years we were together, but then again we were mostly in-world.

25 of the emails were reminders that one of us would be away a certain day (mostly Ars to me because he knew what a scatterbrain I am), one of us having login-failures and that we would keep trying or just  a fast "love you" in passing when one of us wasn't in-world for some reason or other.

Three were rather funny to read because it was Ars being the good father and trying to calm me down after "his son" (as I called Guyke in that conversation) and I had had a huge fight where "the self-centered little brat" (my words) had removed me from his friends list in the middle of it and I refused to accept him back on - in spite of repeated requests from him - for a week or so. I told Ars I wanted "the little shit" to suffer so he learned never, ever, to do it again, but that I certainly would eventually accept his friendship offer when I was good and ready.

Two were from Ars explaining the deal he had struck with our former landlady for the transfer of ownership of Southern Charm to us.

The last four were from a quarrel we had once early in our relationship about some really stupid and  unimportant thing, where I mostly complained extensively about how infuriated I was that Ars just logged off in the middle of the argument. (Men huh?) He told me that I had really pissed him off because I stopped listening. (Well, true enough I do that.) The amazing thing is we still ended each e-mail with "Love you, babe!"

I am not sure I can recommend doing what I did, at least when you are not in a happy mood from the start.

The Beauty and His Beast

sirhc and Vampi forever!

Today I would like to take the opportunity to congratulate the beautiful sirhc DeSantis and his wonderful spouse Vampi Twine DeSantis on the second anniversary of their handfasting.

Hey guys, there actually were a few of us that believed that you could do it and I am happy you proved us right. May you both have many, many years together both here in SecondLife and in first life.

Life Without A Sun

Please read this for what it is, my meandering contemplation's in handling an emotional crisis. Do not add any guilt on me, I have enough already. 

I cannot stress enough that this post is not intended to hurt anyone at all. No incrimination's or accusations are intended. No one is lacking or needs to improve or change anything about themselves or what they do or do anything differently or make changes in their priorities or make different choices.

---- 

The questions I am asking myself are: 

What do you do when the center of your universe is gone, when the planetary system that made you "you" disintegrates? 

How do you handle the fact that the force that filled you with energy and that kept the different parts of your solar system in place is gone? 

Do you, can you and should you even try to rebuild that which was unique? Or do you try to move on to something completely different? How do you go on or do you just settle for a lackluster existence?

Where and how do you find your new sun, your new center, or let yourself be found again?

With Ars I was filled with energy, light and happiness, I could sparkle with the light he filled me with. Without him I only glimmer when I am angry. What I have realized so far is that I am more of a relationship junkie than I ever thought before, I feed of the energy from others, it seems I have none of my own.

I am not sure I want your answers or your advice, but do not hesitate if you want to share how you handled a similar situation

His Teddy Bears

 

Ars really loved teddy bears, we had them all over the place and I got a new one for every rezday, birthday, Christmas and any other occasion.

Ars´s sister Debbie told me it was the same in his first life. When Ars father and Debbie were emptying the house where he had been living for several years, they found a room completely filled with teddy bears.

I have put out a lot of the bears at the memorial place on Southern Charm and yesterday I just felt like sitting down among them and together with them wait for his return. 

I miss him so it hurts sometimes, while other days I can think of him with joy and great pride. I guess some would call it ixiotic behavior but I just cannot let go - not yet.

Tell PayPal: Stop Supporting Hate Groups!

PayPal officially states that its users “may not use the PayPal service for activities that [...] promote hate, violence, racial intolerance” but PayPal has become a favorite payment service for anti-LGBT extremists all over the world.

Thanks to PayPal, it's easier than ever to send and receive money across currencies and continents - but it is also PayPal's responsibility to make sure this technology doesn't fall in the wrong hands. Anti-LGBT extremists all over the world are currently using PayPal to fund raise for their dangerous cause.

Not only is it against PayPal's rules to promote promote "hate, violence, [and] racial intolerance," hate groups also damage PayPal's brand and credibility.

We ask that PayPal join the fight against online hate and immediately shut down the accounts of anti-LGBT extremist groups using the service. PayPal must act immediately to shut down their accounts and ban all sites that promote anti-LGBT hate.

I would like to encourage all LGBT people, and all our heterosexually challenged friends, to sign the petition against the hate trade here PayPal, End the Online Hate Trade. You also have the possibility to tell PayPal why you are taking this action.

The Naming of A Child

Today I am invited to the first life naming ceremony of one of my grandnieces. Although Sweden is a rather secularized country most still choose to christen their children in religious ceremonies.

As the darned atheist I am, I was therefore very happy to receive an invitation to a non-religious naming ceremony for the first time.

The first thing I thought of when the invitation arrived was this mighty memory from my childhood. The clip comes from the television series "Roots", based on the novel by Alex Haley, and shows us the naming of the main character Kunta Kinte by his father Omoro. Roots was huge in Sweden in the early 1980´s.