Open Letter to A Well Meaning Woman

My son Guyke will undoubtedly tell me, that writing this post is creating drama, but as I have told him in my opinion people who say that others are taking part in drama are often not willing to take a position on an issue or unwilling to declare their opinion in public. They instead accuse those who are willing and dare to do so of creating drama.

After logging off from SecondLife tonight I was tired and going to bed but wanted to check the latest updates on my blog list.

I happened to notice the following title on one of the "recent posts" on a blogroll, it read (translated to English and to English/American customs): "Second Pride Festival. Isn't That Like Brussel Sprouts at the Christmas Dinner Table?"

The post was on a Swedish SecondLife blog that I haven't been reading for several years, due to the fact that the blog owner (on this blog unlovingly referred to as "the mudslinger" ) made a personal attack on me by challenging whether my late partner Ars Northmead has ever existed.

The writer of this post was however not the mudslinger herself, but one of her sisters, cousins, friends, whatever, a woman with a more reputable image.

As far as I am aware, neither the writer, nor the blog has any connection or affiliation whatsoever to or with any LGBTQ person, organisation or community, be it in first life or SecondLife. This fact however in no way daunts the writer of the blog post from expressing her opinions on when and where the LGBTQ  community as a whole and worldwide should celebrate Pride and how they should do it to appear less gimmicky. 

The writer utilises the interesting and insidious technique of phrasing all her statements as questions, which makes it completely impossible to hold them against her. I will however say this to her in an open letter:

My dear madam,

Your views on when, where and how we should celebrate our Pride, however well meaning they may be - and I must stress that I see them as well meaning - are from a purely heteronormative perspective and are, in my most humble opinion, lopsided, inaccurate, uniformed and/or false.

The fact of the matter is that every day, in every nation (yes, even in Sweden), in the virtual worlds and cyberspace and in every walk of life LGBTQ persons are verbally and emotionally harassed, underpaid compared to their straight (or closeted) equals, less likely to be promoted compared to their straight (or closeted) equals, emotionally, physically and mentally abused, violated, maimed and killed. 

We will continue to celebrate Pride as we ourselves see fit, even if you should happen to disagree and consider, it more of a stunt or gimmicky. We do this to come together to rejoice over our past victories, for mutual support and to support our brothers and sisters in less democratic countries where they are forbidden to express their homosexuality in private as well as in  public under the risk of fines, imprisonment or death penalty, where they are also forbidden to demonstrate their pride in any way, shape or form. And we will continue to do so as long as we see it as necessary and fitting.

If you should wish to see and experience what Second Pride is all about, please let me inform you that the festival has always been open for everyone to visit and take part in. Alas the festival for 2013 was concluded a week ago but I would be happy to accompany you and show you around the exhibitions and the parties at next years Second Pride Festival.

Yours kindly,

Bock McMillan

P.S. I have made the following list on the present status of samesex marriages worldwide to correct the false facts you give in your post. The information is readily available for everyone on Wikipedia. (I have updated the information on California according to recent developments)

As of May 2013 the following thirteen countries have legalized same-sex marriages

1. Argentina, 
2. Belgium, 
3. Brazil, 
4. Canada, 
5. Denmark,
6. France, 
7. Iceland, 
8. The Netherlands,
9. Norway,
10. Portugal, 
11. Spain, 
12. South Africa and 
13. Sweden

In August 2013 the following two countries will also legalize same-sex marriages (laws have already been enacted that that will come into force at that time)

1. Uruguay and 
2. New Zealand

As of May 2013 several sub-national jurisdictions in the following countries have legalized same-sex marriages

1. parts of Mexico and 
2. parts of the United States.

As of June 26, 2013, the following sub-national jurisdictions (states) of the United States have legalized same-sex marriages

1. California.
2. Colorado, 
3. Iowa
4. Maine
5. Maryland, 
6. Massachusetts, 
7. New Hampshire, 
8. New York, 
9. Vermont and 
10. Washington

In the following countries bills allowing legal recognition of same-sex marriage have been proposed, are pending, or have passed at least one legislative house in

1. Andorra, 
2. England and Wales, 
3. Finland, 
4. Germany, 
5. Ireland, 
6. Luxembourg, 
7. Nepal, 
8. Scotland and 
9. Taiwan 

In the following sub-national jurisdictions bills allowing legal recognition of same-sex marriage have been proposed, are pending, or have passed at least one legislative house

1. parts of Australia, 
2. parts of Mexico and 
3. parts of the United States.

Hanging With the Guys When Blanche Comes By

The very first thing I did when I got in-world this evening was to put on my regular skin again, which was a great relief. I had started looking at my shape settings when my buddy Butch called and wanted to come over for a visit.  We compared a few measurements and then he told me to drop the silliness because he thought I looked quite acceptable. (I will probably revisit the issue later though.)

A while later I saw my stepson Guyke come in world so I asked him to join us, which he said he would in just a second. He didn't turn up until a million seconds later, luckily form hijt as I was going to give him a good talking to.

Guyke

We had a great lazy evening hanging, just talking about nothing special and everything and being in each other's company, relaxing after a - for various reasons - rough week.

While we were sitting there I got a call from my Swedish friend and co-blogger Blanch Argus, who is on a long vacation in first life at the moment. She had dropped in for a few short visit with friends, so I invited her over.

I and Blanche

The four of us had a good time chatting for a while with Butch sharing how he really is a closet heterosexual and had done horrible ewwwwwy stuff with women. He claimed to have been reformed, but I for one am not talking his word for it but am going to keep a close eye on him in the future. Hopefully he should end up with nice gay man who will treat him right.

Guyke & Butch

The four of us and the always present Ars

Blanche had to leave for fer first life commitments a while later but the rest of us remained sitting long after the sun had set over Southern Charm. Butch seemed to be smoking a bit more than usual, but that was most likely his way of relaxing, and with him being Ditch I was not at all certain that all he had in those cigarettes was tobacco. I was to polite to ask about it...

I, feeling comfortable in my old skin

Guyke & Butch

YIKES! I AM Not Proportionate

YIKES! I have just discovered that I am terribly disproportionate! Either my beautiful long legs must go or I  will have to blow my head up so that no hair will ever fit me again.

"This needs to be thought through, don't do anything in haste, Bock. You will only screw it up completely!", I keep telling myself but I am not sure it will help.

This means that those artist have been right all along, I am a pinhead! I should just delete my account and start over under another name...

UPDATE: OK, I have picked myself up from the floor and am breathing again. I have taken a look at Nigel's recommendations and his measurements (see previous post) I will start there and see what it leads to.

P.S. Don't mind the skin, it will be changed first thing when I log in today! Before I start fiddling with my measurements!

Avatar Appearances

Its important how you look, not crucial, but still important. Sometime during Pride week one of my immediate "friends" (huh?) told me very kindly that I looked old, which set me out on a hunt for a new skin. I have spent most of my time since, when I do not assist my cantankerous builder/interior decorator Butch Diavolo, with searching for a new skin that I would feel happy and content in.

I ended up buying four (4) skins in three (3) days, because I momentarily thought I liked them. After using them a short while everything about the new skin just feels "wrong" in a powerful way. It is silly really, because my avatar is not really me, but still I have to feel good and comfortable in every aspect of it.

So I have now - for the time being at least - decided to stay with the skin I have had for two years. All the new ones feel too shiny and oily. Besides they all also seem to have too much eyeliner on, wearing the skins I feel like a man of ill-repute in a Moroccan bordello. What do I care if I look old, I prefer aging gracefully than to look as if I was desperately trying to be more youthful than I am., Growing older is still better than the only other option.

Speaking of eyeliners, following a comment on my blog yesterday I came across an interesting post on Nigel Riel's blog Trials of Eyeliner (I have added it to my blogroll now) that deals with avatar shapes.

Apparently there is a rule of thumb concerning human - and hence also human avatars - proportions, saying that an adult humans height should on average ideally be around 7½ heads high, with the rest of the body parts spaced in as you see from this picture on Nigel's blog.

Image by Nigel Riel

In my life as an avatar I have of course come across the usual accusations from those in SecondLife who believe that we should all try to emulate reality in-world also and it is therefore somehow "morally wrong" to be the normal 2,20 m tall, the same rule seems to apply on overly muscular bodies. To them I say, "Bite me!"

Oh speaking of proportions, reality and heads, did I ever tell you about the two supposedly artists that at separate occasions have IM'd me to inform me that my head "is too small compared to the rest of your body". They both looked like dogshit in their perfectly proportioned bodies, by the way. Being the kind man I am, I did not tell them that but merely answered that, I liked my head fine and that the head actually doesn't grow when you pump up your body. Of course they could have meant compared to my height, in which case they would have been correct, but as I remember it they said nothing about my height.

Well, I don't care one bit about "reality" in avatar appearance, but I do strive to be proportionate. Using the guidelines that Nigel points to in his post Trials of Eyeliner: Monday Meme – 6-24, I am going to give my avatar an overhaul on proportions. Hopefully it will help me plenty in the avatar meat race!

Lemaitre - Cut to Black

The Flags Are Raised

Little by little and with surprisingly few differences of opinion my buddy Butch Diavolo, brilliant builder and sublime interior decorator, and I are getting things in order at my new mansion.

Today there was a special moment when we raised the three flags again that have always blown over Southern Charm since Ars and I moved in on the sim.

When I Had to Put My Foot Down

It is sometimes essential to draw the line, to say "this far, but not beyond", when one is dealing with a temperamental, highly talented, creative personality - an "artiste" (French pronunciation) no less as he likes to refer ti himself - like my builder/interior decorator Butch Diavolo. The two of us usually get along famously and share the same taste in many ways.

We were looking at lamps and lighting accessories today, when he suddenly spotted a huge lamp shaped like a full scale, female figurine where her gown was a lamp and told me that we "simply had to" buy it.

I inhaled deeply, while looking at the hideous thing, and then told him with my calmest, firmest and sternest voice, "No, we definitely do not!"

When my brilliant and sometimes even sublime creative advisor heard this, he threw a temper tantrum. He told me that I was impossible to please, that my taste was lacking, that I did not recognize when something was "en vogue" and that he even - here comes the worst part - sometimes wondered if I was truly gay at all, as I did not recognize the potential fabulousness of the marvelous lamp.

To have ones gayness challenged in a dispute over a silly lamp is really hurtful. Despite that I remained adamant, whereupon he threatened to leave SecondLife on the spot and never come back as he had never, ever, in his whole life had to deal with someone as impossible and lacking in good taste as me. Luckily I have dealt with children earlier in my life, so I just pointed at another lamp and asked him what he thought about that one instead.

These god-gifted people are easily distracted, even pointing to something else and starting to talk about it helps. If that does not do it you can always start discussing their latest "wonderful" hairstyle. However, I would suggest you only use that as a last resort. After all, how often can one really discuss someones hair or where they bought it, if they got the fullpack or not and which variety of tones it comes in?