Saturday, August 1, 2015

Dear Bock: Bodily Fluids?

Dear Bock,

I hear you are the relationship expert. My husband "Fredericko" (I changed the names to protect the innocent, or to not have him find out) has some peculiar interests in the boudoir. He likes me to be sticky and will not offer a warm moist washcloth after love making nor will he allow me to shower. Should I be concerned? Is this the beginning of some kinky sex play that I should run away from? Please help.

Sticky House Husband Brad

Dear Brad,

Ahhh the eternal question about bodily fluids and their permissibility or not in sexual relations. 

Body fluids are liquids secreted or excreted from our living bodies (among others breast milk, blood, feces, pus, saliva, semen, smegma, sweat, tears, urine, vaginal secretions and vomit etc). All body fluids can carry STDs, so should not be entertained with someone whose serostatus is unknown. 

I always say, if both participants are consenting adults who want it or are OK with it, just go for it. If one wants it and the other doesn't, you have a problem that needs to be communicated and solved. 

No one should suffer during sexual activities or be forced to do something they do not want, it should all be about fun, enjoyment and - for most of us - expressing your love or warm delightful feelings. 

If your lover likes you "sticky" after your lovemaking while you find it absolutely abhorrent, try talking about it and negotiate it to something that is acceptable for both of you. A good start could be if you agreed to try lying on your back and thinking of the Empire for 5-10 minutes before rushing to the showers the next 3-5 times you have sex. Then again, if it is something absolutely unthinkable for you, a determined "No!" should suffice and no trials are needed.

If that works out for the two of you, then consider gradually increasing the time. If you still find it totally unacceptable, then you need to drop that activity and find other venues. The landscape of sexual activities is a wonderfully abundant smorgasbord to pick and choose from, there will be things you both will enjoy.

ADDENDUM & EDIT: Initially I had written a summary here of my own personal likes and dislikes concerning the listed body fluids, which I have on later revision decided to remove as it could be perceived as judgemental.

Suffice it to say, if I had a lover who wanted to run to the shower immediately after orgasm, I would most definitely be bothered, disturbed and insulted. But that's just my personal tastes...

Bock McMillan is a blogger, not a relationship expert, his weekly column "Dear Bock" should therefore merely be considered as his point-of-view on relationship matters. If you wish to get his reaction to a relationship question you have, you are welcome to send an email to Remember to write "Dear Bock" in the subject line.

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