Close to Home

Ever since I was reached by the news about Avacar Bluestar's passing I have, privately, been hoping that he and his partner Rico had been more prudent than my Ars and I were.

It is after all so extremely easy to take precautions to help your partner in SecondLife in case something unforeseen should happen, even if one is young and in good health. Unfortunately we seem all to be living in a dream that nothing bad will ever happen or that there is no tomorrow and thereby leave our loved ones future in the - less than certain - good will of our inheritors in first life.

As the passing of Avacar hit very close to home for me and have brought all the uneasy memories from almost five years ago to life again, I have not been able to bring myself to contact Rico directly. Even if I am now very happy again and very much in love with my new partner Tomais, the memories of those awful hours, days, weeks, months and years after Ars death are with me still. In particular the period when I was afraid of losing the home we had over  period of more than two years built together on the Southern Charm sim.

Ars had just died and I was grieving deeply for him and less than two weeks afterwards I was struck with the realization that the sim was solely in Ars' name (to avoid EU VAT) and I did not know what to do to get the sim transferred to me. I was afraid to lose it all and with it all the memories of Ars.

I blogged about it - of course - as that was my way of venting and letting off steam. These are the links to my posts as the events unfolded. (If and when you read them, please try to remember I was not completely sane at the time and more self-involved than ever before or after.)

1. Trying to deal with reality - March 26th
2. Trying to deal with reality II (updated) - March 20th
3. Trying to deal with reality III (glimpse of hope) - April 2nd
4. Trying to deal with reality IV - April 13th
5. Trying to deal with reality V (The conclusion) - April 19th

I will never forget the kindness of Belinda Linden and a few others at Linden Lab when they guided me through the process, however I do believe think it would have gotten the happy ending it did had it not been for the kindness and compassion of the Wilson family.
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I can wholeheartedly sympathize with the agony that Rico is going through at this time. The sims mean nothing to Avacar's first life family - except possibly a hateful reminder of the true nature of their son - while it to Rico is a living memory of the work the two of them did for many years to build a meeting place for the LGBT community in SecondLife.

Please @ebbealtberg, @LindenLab try to find a way to #DotheRightThingforAvacar and transfer the GFW-sims to Rico. pic.twitter.com/WFy7zoi4Qj
— Bock McMillan (@BockMcMillan) January 16, 2015

#DoTheRightThingforAvacar

Yesterday I was contacted by Rico Bluestar, who wanted to know how the situation concerning the transfer of Southern Charm sim had been solved when my husband Ars Northmead passed away on March 12, 2010. Ars was in first life also known as Joseph Douglas "Doug" Wilson Jr.

Although Linden Lab were compassionate and as helpful as they reasonably could be throughout the process, I could only tell him that I was fortunate that Doug' first life family were understanding and loving enough to help me in that situation.

Doug's father, who was the executor of Doug's estate, presented the proper documentation to Linden Lab showing his status as father and executor, and also wrote a letter to Linden Lab in which he asked them to transfer Southern Charm to me. That saved the situation for me.

I am forever grateful to the Wilson family, and especially Mr. Wilson himself, for the love, support and assistance they showed me - a complete stranger (although Doug had mentioned me to them several times it seems) - in this difficult situation.

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Rico Bluestar was the partner of Avacar Bluestar for close to three year up until Avacar passed away on November 14, 2014. Together the two owned, operated and worked hard to build Gay Fun World (GFW) as a place for gay residents to go to for fun and shopping.

Rico is not as fortunate as I was. It seems that Avacar's first life family are Southern Baptist and all of them - with the exception of a one of Avacar's sisters - absolutely abhor and detest Avacar's "lifestyle choice" (i.e. that he was gay and admitted it). They want all evidence of Avacar's homosexuality obliterated and disolved and will therefor not cooperate to have the sims transferred to Rico Bluestar.

I think that is wrong, it is in fact an outrage!

I would like all of my family and friends - straight or gay - to join me in telling Ebbe Altberg, the CEO of Linden Lab, and Linden Lab itself that it is time for them to take a stand against homophobia, to make an exception and to transfer the GFW sims to Rico.

If you have a Twitter account please retweet my tweet and ask your friends to do so too. If you don't have a Twitter account, get one and do the same thing. Gawd this is the 21st century people, get with the program!

@ebbealtberg & @LindenLab, #DoTheRightThingforAvacar and put an end to #homophobia. Transfer the GFW sims to Rico! pic.twitter.com/WYipgApNVq
— Bock McMillan (@BockMcMillan) January 15, 2015

Email to the Wilson´s

From: X.X.
Sent: December 15, 2012 8:53 PM
To: Debbie.X.
Subject: Happy Holidays

Dearest Debbie, Marie and the rest of my American family,

We have another Christmas and New Year coming up and I wish you all the best for the holidays and the coming year. I hope this email reaches you all in good health and that you are all doing well!

In my first life, 2012 has been a kind and consoling year and it seems that I, in spite of a few bad turns during the year, will be meeting it will all my loved ones still with me. My mother and father have both been hospitalized during the year but are both now doing very well and are – as always – enjoying each other’s company. I have two more grandnieces/grandnephews as my sisters children continue to multiply.

On a personal level I am doing well too. Although I still think of Doug/Ars on a daily basis it is now happy memories that appear in my mind. You should also know, that whenever I think of him I also think about you. Of course I already knew that you were an extraordinary family but recounts of other peoples experiences in similar circumstances have made it quite obvious to me that you are unique. The warmth, kindness and consideration with which the Wilson family received me and accepted me in such a difficult situation is still unparalleled by anything I have yet heard of. I will be forever grateful to you for that.

My SecondLife is also doing well, Guyke, Millimina and Dej are still close, in fact Dej has moved in and set up house on the south west corner of Southern Charm sim. I am sure all three of them and Jeb also send you their warmest greetings for the holidays and the new year.

With love and big hugs!
Bock

My Wedding Anniversary

Soon after I had logged into SecondLife on February 12, 2010, my beautiful Ars also logged in.

After we had said our hellos, he asked me to check my email. When I asked why, he told me "Just check it now, Bock!"

As I opened the mail a message popped up from SecondLife which read:

"Dear Bock McMillan,

You have received a Second Life partner proposal from Ars Northmead.

Please visit the link below to view the proposal:

https://secure-web39.secondlife.com/my/account/partners.php

This proposal will expire on Friday, February 19, 2010."

I was totally elated and hurried to go to the SecondLife website to accept the proposal. When I have done that I got the message "Congratulations Bock McMillan you have now entered into a partnership with Ars Northmead!"

I was both laughing and crying with joy when I came back to my Ars, because this had been a very surprising move on his part after more than two years together. Both of us had often declared a rather skeptical and dim view on SecondLife partnerships, after seeing some acquaintances going through a series of partnerships that never lasted for long. However, we both believed that with our long past together we would do a better job of it so we spent a very happy day together.

Not too long after this Ars went missing for a few days. I could not reach him either by e-mail or any of his phones. Those days were awful and I was very worried for him. When I finally got hold of him again it turned out that Ars´s father had found him in a very poor and weakened state and had taken him to the parents house so they could look after him.

Ars still had a fever and sounded very weak when I talked with him, but he told me he was going to the hospital for a check-up the next day. At the same time I talked with Ars sisters and they promised to keep me updated on Ars condition. 

The medical examination the next day showed that Ars had double pneumonia and was in a terribly weak state so the doctors admitted him for further care and treatment. Although the doctors were hopeful in the beginning this changed when complications set in and Ars passed away on March 12, 2010, exactly one month after we had been partnered.

About a fortnight after Ars had passed away I was asked (for the first time), "Do you think Ars married you because he knew he was going to die?" The question really surprised me because it hadn't even crossed my mind and was blurted out by someone not close to either of us. I just told the person "No! Please don´t talk to me ever again." 

However the question made me think if that could be the case. The following occasions I was asked the same question - in kinder ways and by people who mattered - I was better prepared. 

I have told those who asked, that I honestly do not believe that Ars knew he was even sick, let alone would be dead soon, when he proposed to me. After a few months of pain and agony due to a broken femur things had actually just started looking up for him again. He had signed up for a gym to get back in shape and we had also begun discussing some changes on the sim. At the time of the proposal Ars was happier again. More than anything I felt like I had passed some sort of test, by sticking with him and supporting him through the bad time that he had just gone through. 

We were happy together and no one will ever convince me of anything else. This was, is and will always remain a happy day for me!

The pictures of Ars in this post were taken in December 2009 by Kent Hutchinson of KH Photography.