Suddenly...

"Moon Above Wheatfield" by Gary Hamburgh

Suddenly on Sunday afternoon I was hit with the worst case of the common cold I can remember ever having.

It started with three heavy sneezes. Next thing it was as if my head exploded with the worst headache ever and I felt my sinuses filling up with snot and my chest was congested. The sound of my coughing is terrible and woke me up several times during the night.

Although I felt sicker than a wildebeest I dragged my carcass to work this morning because I had an important meeting in the morning. The rest of the day I avoided close contact with everyone and just medicated with paracetamols to keep the fever at bay and had rolls of toilet paper in every pocket so I could blow my nose every 5-10 minutes. The tip of my nose is red and raw by now, not a pretty sight.

Suddenly yesterday I also felt a tremendous insecurity overwhelming me when I was going to write a post about my new tipping practices in the Swedish venues in SecondLife. After being criticized recently for intimidating others with my "overly generous" tips I started tipping only small amounts in the tip jars and the rest of my tip directly - on the body part of my choice - to the person I was tipping. It´s a hassle and I don´t know how long I can keep it up.

On that subject I was going to tell the story about what Ars once told me when I asked him what the correct tip was. He said - of course - that there is no correct tip, you tip as much or little as you wish and can afford. Ars also stressed the fact that it is essential that the receiver should graciously acknowledge all tips whatever the size. "Even a very small amount could be all the money that person has earned after hours of camping or all they have."

I know why I got insecure and I have claimed I didn't give a damn, but somehow I did anyway. It could of course also be a sign of my weakened state brought on by this uncommon cold.

Bock: "2012 Will Be Wonderful!"

"Farm in fog", photography by Gary Hamburgh

OK, I felt the pressure building up inside me as the end of the year came closer.

Just as we watch the fogs slowly lifting over the farmhouse in Gary Hamburgh´s beautiful picture, here are my predictions for 2012.

Universal

1. The universe as we know it will still be here
2. We will have made contact with an extraterrestrial intelligence. However, they decline any further contact because they think we are dumb asses.
3. The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything will remain 42.

Global

1. The Arab spring will continue with baby-steps and a few set backs, it will eventually also turn into a Persian spring. There will still be no Chinese spring in sight
2. The Internet will remain free, power mongers must realize you cannot put the genie back in the can once it is set free.
3. Barack Obama will be reelected for a second term as President of the United States of America

SecondLife

1. SecondLife will still be here, things will improve inworld when Viewer 1 has been dropped
2. Linden Lab will remain as owners of SecondLife and their financial situation will slowly improve
3. Mesh will...  ugh lets wait and see, my answer on this one is 42

Metaversal

1. The blog "Tinas universum" (Tina´s Universe) will be up and running again, the oldest Swedish avatar known to man cannot hold back long
2. "Bock in SecondLife" will most likely still be here, lets say 42 on this one
3. As for the rest - 42

Personal

1. I will be 42 and Bock will be 5, but we will still look like 32 and act like 12
2. I and Bock will have had sex again with another human being and/or avatar. Finally!
3. I will still be on antidepressants but vastly improved

---

That´s it folks! All in all, we have a wonderful and marvelous year waiting for us. Enjoy 2012!

Foggy Monday

"Serenity in the fog", photography by Gary Hamburgh

It´s Monday and I didn't sleep well last night. All weekend my head was bursting with images of the things I was going to create now that I had finally started building again in SecondLife. I also had some splendid ideas about future posts for the blog.

I woke up this morning - 35 minutes too late - and all the enthusiasm was gone. Instead I have spent the whole day trying to catch up with myself and my first life after spending last week mostly in meetings or conferences.

Luckily nothing too bad had been going on so by the end of the day I had finally gotten through all the mail and caught up with everything else, so tomorrow I can start afresh without any immediate deadlines or crisis's needing to be averted.

When I got home I was tired but restless and uninspired and cold. I tried taking a nap to refresh myself but couldn't sleep, so I feel foggy, dazed and cold. More or less like the photo by Gary Hamburg but not as beautiful.

I have been rereading Philip Rosedale´s statements in The New York Times interview that have caused such an uproar among residents and trying to fit them to my realities.

Before entering into SecondLife I can honestly say that I could sometimes be alone, but that was never a problem for me because I never ever felt lonely. There were always people at hand if and when I wanted them. Now there are days that I feel lonely even if I am not alone, no matter how many people I am surrounded by.

Ars and the rest of my onetime SecondLife family seem to somehow have changed my perceptions. In the light of Philips words this makes me feel warped and abandoned. I don´t know if I am making any sense at all and may very well remove this post later.

Whatever, tomorrow is another day, anything can happen!

Clarity

Photo by Gary Hamburgh

The last week has been rough for me in real life and I haven´t really had much energy to spare for my SecondLife. What energy I had has been wasted on the Swedish SecondLife blogs. In spite of my earlier promises to myself I once again allowed myself to be dragged into their murky world.

I will no longer let embittered and hateful people pull me down into their bog of innuendos, insinuations and half-truths or outright lies. My life is too short and my mental and emotional sanity and my peace of mind are worth too much.

From now on I will strive for the light and clarity that one sees in all of Gary Hamburgh´s photography.

No Inspiration

Well I am in a rut today and have found nothing that filled me with enough passion, happiness, sorrow, rage or disgust that I want to blog about it.

Two good things happened today tho.

1. I took the day off from work and took my old car to the mandatory Swedish motor vehicle inspection. My car - who is named "Sylvie" because she is French and charming - passed the tests with flying colors as always. As usual the guys at the testing station nodded towards me and both of them told me: "This is a great car!" (And yes, she is a "who" not an "it")


2. I refound the wonderful photography of Gary Hamburgh, an old favorite as my regulars already know, while surfing for inspiration. Enjoy!

Deserted barn

Moon over wheatfields

Martial is back

 

"Patterns in the Palouse" by Gary Hamburgh

I logged on late yesterday - it must have been after 11:30 pm my time - to catch a bit of DJ Butch Diavolo´s set at Club Erotes/The Den, before going on to listen to my brother-in-law DJ Andrey at the Week-End Club in Boystown.

When I had arrived at Erotes and had said my hello´s I took a look at my friendslist just to check who was online. And then I got a big shock that brought tears of both joy, surprise and anger to my eyes. I am not really sure what I would have done if I weren't talking to Andrey at the time, most probably I would have lost it and logged off...

With my heart beating hard I told Andrey, "Guess who is online, my brother Martial..." or something to that effect. My emotions were in a total uproar, I was happy, sad, angry and nervous all at the same time. I couldn´t think straight.

The thing is you see, my darling, beloved and crazy brother Martial suddenly dropped out of Second Life late in the summer of 2009 (if I remember correctly). I was at a total loss to what had happened to him and was imagining all sorts of awful fates that could have befallen him, like being hit by a bus or murdered by a crazy one-night stand or something equally horrendous.

Ars was as usual good to me then, he calmed me down and told me there were loads of other alternatives for something like this to happen, things that were perfectly reasonable and that did not entail Martial being dead or lying helpless in a coma. After a long while I decided to believe Ars, still hoping that Martial was going to show up again someday. And indeed, now the day had come.

The next thing I told Andrey was, "Well, I am not going to talk to him...". I don´t know what made me say that, but as always Andrey knows me extremely well. He contacted Martial anyway, and told him to talk to me. I will always be grateful to Andrey for that, because of course I did want to talk to Martial, and I also needed to talk with him.

So when I got Martials first IM I felt like my heart would burst with the love I had always had for him, and all the things I wanted to ask him, all the things I needed to tell him about all the awful things that had happened while he was away and how happy, so very happy, I was that he was back again.

We talked tentatively for awhile but I told him from the start that I was too tired to go into details this first time. We must do that at a later time. I just wanted to know if he was doing OK and if he was going to be back in SL again after tonight. He told me yes on both questions, and I felt the relief flushing over me. I told him I was happy he was well and so very happy he was back and that we would talk it through at another time, because the shock and joy of seeing him online and talking with him was quite enough for the.moment.

Before we ended the conversation he thanked me for talking to him, and I told him he was one lucky s-o-b because I really wanted to strangle him. To which he of course answered, "I know". Smartass! He knew I didn´t mean it and that his comment would make me laugh. That was so good, because with the laughter I felt some of my anguish and anger go away. Martial always could make me laugh.

I am so happy you are back in SL with me Martial!

A Great Photographer

Yesterday when I was looking for a picture to go with my post, I stumbled upon a wonderful photographer that I did not know of earlier.

I totally fell in love with his pictures and his vision, so I highly recommend all of you to take the time and strike up an acquaintance with Gary Hamburgh on his website "The Palouse Guy"

In a strange way Gary Hamburghs photography reminds me of Second Life, with a good viewer and the graphics set to Ultra with the highest draw distance. 

Back in Second Life

 

Photography by Gary Hamburgh

Well after a few days away from Second Life - due to a very bad cold in real life and the Swedish general elections - I headed back to my Second Life yesterday.

While I was away it seems all hell broke loose and hurt feelings are soaring high! It will take me some time to sort out what has happened, especially since it seems there are people I trust, love and respect on both sides of the trenches.

Not even the fact that the people that I know by experience to be deceitful liars and backstabbers are ganging up on one side will force me to jump to conclusions - for as I said there are people I love there also.

I will take my time and talk to my friends and the people I trust and let the dust settle. Hopefully we will all find a resolution to this. I will not allow myself to be manipulated into actions or reactions until I myself feel ready to do so.

No matter what happens though I will always stick with my friends, whatever side they are on, and hopefully they will stick with me too whatever side I end up on - if I feel I must chose sides.