The Pressure, The Pressure...

I am indeed a fortunate man to have loved and been loved by two amazing, wonderful and talented men like my Ars and my Tomais.

With Ars it meant that I got involved in the SecondLife music & club scene, I don't think there was a single club in existence those days that I did not visit at least once, either for Ars sets or because one of the Sarco Sound DJ's were playing there. I must have been acquainted with most of the DJ's and club owners in those days too. Usually I was seen as a mere attachment to the SLebrity DJ, although I did my best to assist Ars during his sets in any way I could.

A new hubby, means new requirements! Tomais, as most of you know I'm sure, is a SLebrity photographer. His whole family - and it is large - consists of accomplished photographers or photo models, which makes completely different demands on my looks and demeanor. I must at all times look chic, dashing and lovely and also be able to bend into almost any pose that the photographer may requires for a particular shot.

I have therefore been forced be careful with what I eat and drink, never more than fifteen green peas a day and two glasses of champagne. I also follow a strict training routine to become as fit, slim and bendable as modelling for a master photographer demands. (See pictures)

Strangely enough I love it, because it is fun working with this mumbling and distracted man who is completely absorbed with angles, how the light falls and which of the 20.000+ Windlight settings (he has to go through them all for every picture) he is going to use. The reward comes after the photo shoot - and sometimes during - when we are both relaxed and goofing around.

The Redecoration Project

When Ars and I moved in at Southern Charm, just before or after New Years Day 2007/2008 (I cannot remember at the moment), we were in a hurry to get settled in before my vacation ended and the clubs in SecondLife, with whom Ars worked both as a DJ and as a manager for The Sarco Sound Group, started getting busy again after the holidays.

We rented the house and 12,000 sqm (two parcels) because we had both fallen in love with the house sitting over the beautiful waterfall. The house was a part of the deal and the landowner expressly preferred that we kept it a it was. The house is a prefab from one of the biggest suppliers of such homes in SecondLife.

Ars and I did the interior decorating of the second floor and the kitchen and bathroom on the ground floor  ourselves. When we realized that we were running out of time and would not be ablé to get the living room area ready we discussed it and decided to get the readymade package of furniture for that room from the supplier. It was an interesting moment and a new experience for me when i suddenly found myself sitting in front of my computer controlling all the prearranged furniture with my cursor. I was told by Ars not to let go before we had it in the right place because if i did we would have to arrange every individual ugly item ourselves. Luckily I made it without problems (not counting a very high pulse rate) and I believe Ars was really proud of me, for the very first time.

This arrangement was meant to be a temporary measure that we would take care of at the first convenient moment ourselves. Alas that time never came. I detested the living room furniture from the start, and I believe Ars did so too.

When I the other day realized how much I hated it I finally decided to take action. I decided what to do and considered the possible options carefully. When I had thought everything through I contacted my buddy Butch Diavolo, who is an excellent interior decorator.

We discussed the matter and he agreed to help me. We also decided that the first thing he should do was see if he could find a better house that would fit on the top of hill over the water falls. A house that I could have full rights over, as the present one is still owned by the former landlady (who has since left SecondLife) which means I am not able to change anything about it..

If he could not find a good enough house we would settle for redecorating the living room and the adjacent reading room. Butch would, with his expertise and exquisite taste, tell me what to buy and in what quantity whereafter I would rez them in the house for him to move them around. If we needed to do anything about the house itself we would find some suitable workaround ( I have been thinking of Potemkin villages a lot lately). We will cross those bridges when we come to them.

It was with great joy I set about deleting all the shitty stuff in the living room and reading room. The rooms looked much better when the furniture was gone, even if they were empty.

Headless

When I logged in to my SecondLife yesterday I had a lot on my to-do-list, since I hadn't been inworld for a week.

The first thing on the list was to check in with my brother in-law Dejerrity Mycron, who lives in the northwest southwest corner of Southern Charm. I was happy to see the yellow dot on the minimap indicating that he was at home.

Before going over to meet him I had to go through my usual preliminaries to get SecondLife to work (it´s been like this the last two years so I am pretty used to it by now). First thing I do is to teleport to Moa, where Ars once had an office skybox for Sarco Sound. The skybox was removed by Linden Lab just a few months ago, so these days I crash to the ground when I get there. However, once I am there everything starts working, the IM´s and notices appear and sounds come back and - above all - I am no longer sunk in the ground.to the ankles and am able to walk around. I then teleport back home and my life begins.

Once I was home again, I flew over to Dej´s place and walked up to him. The man was standing stark naked (without the willy attached) getting ready to dress for the Sunday afternoon party at Folsom.

We talked about how we were doing, recent events and this-and-that while he rummaged in his Inventory and tried things on to get ready for the party. It seems it was Halloween-themed because he ended up as an awesome headless gentleman in a nice tux with his head safely tucked under his arm. The only problem was that the drinking animation took the glass to where the head should be and not where it actually was, so the poor man didn't get his vodka.

I love visiting with Dej and especially like the fact that so much about him reminds me of Ars. Stability, loyalty, love, respect and support - all this even when he is headless.

Avacar and Butch at Pride

On Sunday I visited the SLT-morning dances at Pride to support my buddies Avacar Bluestar and Butch Diavolo. Both of them stepped into this on rather short notice, Avacar after the former lead DJ at his club had quit yesterday and Butch stepping in for a DJ that didn't show up at the venue.

I am very happy to inform you that they both performed extremely well and kept us entertained with good music and chat for two hours each.

I was so happy to see Paul Maracas again at the set. Paul is an old friend from the Sarco Sound days whom I haven´t seen since the wake after the first memorial for my Ars at Saint Magnus Kirk on Hinterland.

Over to the pictures.

Avacar

DJ Butch

My fellow blogger Jeff Ellsworth watches as my buddy master builder Levi Ewing dances

Model Joe Lycomedes

My old friend Paul Maracas

Mt friend Tienkie shows off her furry bush

The Concept of Family in SecondLife

From a sociological and/or anthropological perspective a family is a group of people who are affiliated by marriage, consanguinity, affinity or co-residence. Families are formed as a source of mutual love and support within the group concerned. Sexual relations among family members are regulated by rules concerning incest such as the incest taboo.

In a virtual world we don´t need to focus on consanguineous relationships as sexual relationships cannot end with an independent issue. All relationships are created by choice through affinity and affections and are either romantic or non-romantic.

The Family Chart. Muted colors mean that the avatar is (mostly) no longer around
Yellow circles signify partnerships/marriages, red circles previous partnerships/marriages and yellow arrows mutually elected non-romatic relationships of a family kind (sister/brother or child/mother or father)

In the beginning there was Ars Northmead, a charming, friendly, clever and multitalented avatar.

Ars was - among many other things - a DJ in SecondLife and founded the Sarco Sound Group with his friend and business partner Sarco Halderman. One of the first DJ´s recruited to the group was Andrey (D R E Y) Messmer. Ars and Andrey developed a close non-romantic-friendship, with much love and trust between them.

Shortly before Ars and I met there may - or may not - have been a brief sexual relationship between Ars and Guyke Lundqvist (I am not altogether sure about this and have never really worried about it). Anyway, by the time I appeared on the scene the relationship between the two had evolved into a relationship between a father and son. When I teamed up with Ars I also became Guyke´s evil-stepfather.

Ars and I became a couple, shortly thereafter Andrey and Guyke became a couple also, this was however before we had established the family. When Andrey´s and Guyke´s relationship ended, Andrey became Ars brother. Both Andrey and Guyke went on to form new romantic relationships that were included into the family.

When Guyke became partnered with Haakon Meads, his elected mother Starry Sweetwater and her husband Sir Trifle became in-laws. Similarly I become the uncle of Skip Turbo´s adopted son Liam when Skip and Andrey were partners.

Ars also formed brotherly ties with Dej Mycron and Jeb Nicholls, while Martial Eisenhart and I and Millimina Salamander and I also elected each other as siblings, well in the last case I more or less forced it on the poor girl. Martial formed a partnership with Elorian Scarbridge for a while through which Elorian and I became brother in-laws. Dej has of course also had partners, but I did not much like the last one so I am not mentioning him (I am invoking my literary license on this).

Postscript
I am happy that I took the time to make the family chart, because looking at it clarify some things that have been a mystery to me earlier.

As I understand it, these kind of chosen family clusters are supposedly more common among the gay population in SecondLife than among the straight population. An explanation to this could of course be that many gays already have experienced the concept of "choosing your family" in their first life due to the shunning and ostracizing that still occurs in all cultures, albeit to a lesser extent nowadays that 15-20 years ago.

I have no sure information on how common it can be among lesbians, either in first life or SecondLife. As we all know lesbians seem to provoke less animosity in the straight culture, possibly because the women are better at staying "under the radar" than gay men. The fact that straight men find women "playing with each other" so fascinating at least while they wait for him - the macho male - to arrive. I am also certain that part of the explanation is due to the unequal status of women in society, "what women do does not matter".

If heterosexuals ever think about homosexuals, there seems to be a strong tendency to focus on the sexual activities rather than on the feelings and attractions. I did not choose to become gay to engage in fellatio or have anal intercourse. I am gay and therefore use the sexual activities and techniques available to me to give and receive pleasure from another man - and hell yes, I damn well love it!.

Friends or Players?

"Three Brothers" (Evander, Ars and Bock) by Evander M.

This picture was taken on December 8, 2007, shortly before Ars and I became an item. Evander M., the photographer, was one of the "Three E´s" that I have mentioned a few times before. At that time he was a good friend of mine and my landlord.

Even if I hadn't seen the date in the properties of the snapshot I would have guessed it was late in 2007, because we are all in hair from Naughty Designs - the only place you could get decent hair from if you had any taste and didn't want to walk around in ugly hair from Badazz.

Evander and his wife ElenaS. M. had a campaign going to expose Ars to my lovely personality as often and as much as possible because they both knew that was infatuated by Ars. I had told Elena and Elena had told Evander - or so we thought at the time. This day Evander had taken me to Ars home in Moa for a visit.

According to the stories Elena and Evander were spreading among all of us in the Sarco Sound group they were a young Dutch couple who had recently been blessed with a wonderful baby boy. Elena was mostly online as she was home with the baby the first months after his birth, while Evander only came in on evenings and night. Suddenly they brought in "their good friend Emile" and started introducing him to us all. Emile was allegedly gay or bi-curious or whatever.

When this happened I heard mention of the word "alt" for the very first time. I think it was Guyke or Ars who explained to me what that meant, even if I really did not understand the concept. It was said that Emile was an alt of Elena created to get even closer to some of us. Somebody called the bluff and it became a funny thing. I am not sure if any of the others at that time believed that Evander and Elena were the same person, but I certainly had no idea until a few months later.

Early in 2008, after Ars and I had moved in together at Southern Charm, "the three E´s" suddenly decided to kill off Elena in her "first life". The young mother was allegedly killed by being run over by a drunk driver when she was out on the town. I was completely devastated over the bad fortune that had befallen my dear friends and the young family. This lasted for a couple of weeks, when we started being reached by rumors that all three of them were the same Dutch man who was playing a game with us.

Somehow some of the tech-savvy of our little group got this confirmed and the uproar over the deceit was total. I was especially upset by the cruelty of letting us believe that Elena had been killed and the commiseration we had shown for Evander during the long weeks that followed that news.

Even if I should have learned a lesson from this, even now I rarely suspect or believe that anyone is using alts to manipulate and play games with me. I just don't want to believe that about my fellow man.

What Makes A Good DJ?

Bock looking at Ars

I have spent most of my second life hanging around with - and surrounded by - some of the best DJ´s in SecondLife; Ars, Andrey, Sarco, Harley, Martial, Yannis, Zno and the rest of the Sarco Sound (link not active) crew and many of their DJ friends.

Over the last year I have mainly stayed in the Swedish clubs in SecondLife and there are some good DJ´s here too, the first names that pop up in my head are Frost, Lucien and sirhc, at Erotes I enjoy the music of Butch Diavolo and Arc - but I am not making a list so if you don´t find your name here don´t be sad.

My Ars used to say "Everyone thinks they are a DJ in SecondLife" by which he meant that playing records isn't all there is to it. Now first listen to what a real DJ can do, just lean back and enjoy. This remix was made by DJ Markus Schulz.



I found this summary on What Makes A Good Club DJ? by ElGringoSalsero;

Each year, DJ Magazine publishes its list of the top 100 DJ's based upon public votes. I would consider the top ten identified DJ's to be reliable experts on what it takes to be a good DJ. Here's what they have to say on the subject: 

#1 Armin Van Buuren - "Timing and character."
#2 Tiësto - "A great DJ can adjust to the crowd, make them go crazy but still be able to do his own thing."
#3 David Guetta - "A great crowd."
#4 Above & Beyond - "Good taste in music, an open mind and experience."
#5 Paul Van Dyk - "The confidence of knowing what your own sound is. And not being a snobby ass and playing for yourself."
#6 Deadmau5 - "Their taste in music. It's a little bit of technical know-how, but 90% of it is the music you play."
#7 Ferry Corsten - "Knowing how to entertain the crowd. You're not there to educate. You should present new music without forcing it down people's throats." 
#8 Markus Schulz - "Unique style and understanding of the momentum in the room."
#9 Gareth Emery - "Knowing the crowd is a fundamental requirement and looking like you're enjoying it."
#10 Sander Van Doorn - "A lot of interaction with the crowd. Playing a set is about educating on one hand, but also playing music that the people are there for."

---

My own two cents on this subject, from my perspective as part of the crowd:
1. Be prepared, for Gods sake plan your set! Adapt the music you choose to the event that is planned and the crowd you expect to be there. Always make sure you have enough music to go overtime if something should happen that requires it and enough to adapt your set if it should be needed.
2. Be aware of the crowd and work with it (it´s not a wanking session after all). Being arrogant and snotty is a definite no-no, you are there to entertain not to be a condescending s.o.b. This also means do not badmouth any other DJ´s, words spread.
3. By all means take requests if you wish to do so. It isn't necessary to play the requests straight away. play it later if it fits better there and if it doesn't fit tell them.
4. If you don´t have charisma or a personality don´t bother!
5. Most important of all be true to yourself; If you don´t like the music, don´t play it!

The technical stuff can all be learned as you go along.

Re: "My Ars"

I remember exactly when, where and with whom I was talking when I first started referring to my lover Ars as "my Ars".

It was just a few months after Ars and I had made a home together at Southern Charm. I was at "SSG", the Sarcosound Group´s parcel at the "Ninth Wave Island" sim. Ars had just logged off to get some sleep and I was left talking with Sarco Halderman. We were alone at SSG.

I think Sarco had just realized I was not just a temporary fling but was going to stick around for the long haul. It was also around this time I had started noticing an increased tension between the two of them.

They had been friends for a long time when I came along, they had also started the Sarcosound group together. That company at one time provided fifteen or more DJ´s working in all timezones in SecondLife.

Ars really loved Sarco til the very end, although the love was sometimes mixed with a big measure of resentment and anger. No one - except possibly Guyke when he was at his worst behaviour - could ever infuriate my Ars as much as Sarco could, but the love between them was always there.

After a little awhile Sarco started talking to me about Ars and his personal life. I am sure he was doing this only out of kindness and because he wanted what was best for Ars, but it made me guarded at once because I have never really liked being told anything personal about someone I love by anyone except that person.

Ars and I had only been together for a few months, but I was certain I still did not know all of his circumstances or secrets and I sure as hell did not want to hear them from anyone except him. So I started saying "My Ars this..." and "...my Ars that..." and "I am sure my Ars will tell me everything I need or want to know about him, as I myself will tell him everything."

Sarco soon sensed my unwillingness and we moved on to other subjects of interest.

In time I learned all Ars´ secrets and he all of mine, we learned them from each other. But the phrase stuck with me. Hell I even used it against Ars, saying things like "My Ars would never do such a thing!" and worse. That usually made him bite my head off, but he never could stay angry with me for long so I did not mind and kept hitting him with it when it suited me, sometimes it even made him laugh because he soon realized in what situations I used it.

He was no dimwit, my Ars.

Today Was Ars Rezday

October 25th, 2006, was the first day the avatar named Ars Northmead rezzed into SecondLife. Today would have been his fourth rezday.

As many of you already know Doug, the man behind the avatar, passed away on March 12th, 2010, after a battle with double pneumonia, so Ars will never again rez into SecondLife.

Ars was the most loving, caring and tender man I have ever known in any world. He was also among the most intelligent, warmhearted, creative, fiercely loyal, humorous, pig headed and stubborn men in both worlds. Hell I could throw all the positive adjectives in the dictionary at you, and some of the negative also - of course.  

But I am not impartial concerning Ars and never will be.

When I first came to SecondLife, I very soon received a few advances for partnering, setting up house together and what have you. People told me they loved me after an hour´s conversation, or four days acquaintanceship or - in the slow cases - three weeks.

I thought to myself, "What is wrong with these people? What the f**k are they talking about? I am never ever going there, they are crazy!" All that skepticism ended when I got to know Ars.

I remember the first time I noticed him, long before - well, a few months before - I ever dared speak to him personally. It was at the Devil Inside Club. The DI was at the time "the only" club to be for most of the gay men in SecondLife. I was shown to this club in the summer of 1997 by a friend named Drizz McMillan, who has since left SecondLife. 

Ars was wearing the cutest hat, which was what first caught my eye. After awhile I understood he was the DJ and I heard his voice and laughter - and I was charmed senseless.  

This was when my "Stalking Ars-period" started. I joined the "sarco sound group" and actually went to any and every set the DJ´s in that group ever played that were possible in my time zone. That finally ended when Ars and I started talking with each other. Then I was caught - forever. 

I have been rummaging through my overladen inventory for pictures of Ars. I found several hundred, here I would like to share a few with you all.

Musical Memories - Swedish Bloggers Relay

Cobra Starship - I Kissed a Boy (Music Video) from Max Welch on Vimeo.

This is a song I remember from the summer of 2008 (Yeah I know I rezzed in March 2007 but my memory is lousy about those first months - I dont think I actually found the music button until I met Ars...) This song was really huge on the SL gay scene! Ahh those were the days...

I remember them well, they were all about Ars, Ars, Ars, Ars and well Ars again and a bit of Guyke and Andrey too. I thought of Ars by day and dreamt of him by night. I hurried home from work to be with him, I stayed up too late to be with him.

Those were happy days! We worked on our house, we worked on our parcels at "Southern Charm", we hung out at "Ninth Wave Island" with Andrey, sarco, Yannis, Harley, Guyke and Orchid and the rest of the gang and their fans. We listened to all the "Sarco Sound" DJ´s as they trying out their music and sets.

The past, the present and the future

Yesterday was sort of a crazy day, but I had alot of fun!

I was invited to the bachelor party of my old friend and hero Yannis Martynov.

"Yannis in a human skin"

When I first met Yannis in 2007 he was one of the many awesome DJ´s in the Sarco Sound Group. This was for a long time one of the largest and most successful DJ groups in SL, which at one time had 19 DJs in all timezones. The group was created by my Ars and his friend sarcophilus ("sarco") Halderman.

Yannis was already at that time a vampire in SL and he had also already hooked up with the beautiful and sexy Orchid Arado whom he will be marrying later today. I will be at the wedding of course and have been given special permission by both the bride and the groom to come in my family tartan, thus diverting from the otherwise requested goth style.

Yesterdays bachelor party was an interesting affair for me as a gay man. It took place in a stripp club on a vampire sim. The DJ played a very interesting mix of music that was fun to listen to and to dance to, Although the only ones dancing where myself, the two female strippers, the female DJ and one other guy. The rest of the men - I presume straight - stood or sat around the dancefloor watching.

The groom arrived 75 minutes late to the reception claiming there had been a power outage in Athens so he could not log in. Well atleast he got there finally. (Which is more than I can say about the last straight bachelor party I was invited to by a famous swedish singer and songwriter in SL with the initials B.J.)

I was equiped with a "boob-hat", a "boob-beer" and a "boob icicle".Fortunately there was not a photographer around...or not that I know off. I left the party when things started to heat up with lap dances and the girls getting undressed and ...

Part of my reason for leaving was that at that time my darling brother in law (BIL) Andrey Messmer started up his set at "The Week-end Nightclub" on one of the Boystown sims and I wanted to be there to support him. This was his comeback as a DJ in SL after a long absence.

My darling BIL gave us a great mix of music and talked to us with his sultry brazilian voice, damned hot! The guys were very friendly although I think there were alot of hot IMs going on - as always! It was very nice of sarco and his partner Harley Homewood to turn up to support Andrey at this set.

I am so looking forward to listening much more to Andrey and his music and voice in the future.

But first things first - the wedding today!

I would like to send my all best wishes to Orchid and Yannis on this their wedding day! Love you guys!

P.S. Yes, I know my posts are toooooooooooo long for some of you, but sorry its the rambling way my brain works. I´ll try doing better next time...perhaps...